help! my brother in law is ruining my relationship. What do i do?

By betty1988 August 24, 2011 - 7:38pm

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Basically my brother in law ALWAYS tags along with my boyfriend and i. We have a son together and i would like to do things without his brother. We're a family! Just the three of us! Not the three of us and his brother. Not to mention how obnoxious his brother can be. He is such a nuisance. I can't handle it anymore! He acts like a child, and he's in his mid thirties. We're in our mid twenties. What business does he have always tagging along with his younger brother and his family??

To make it worse, i don't agree with most of the things he does. He has a girlfriend whom he constantly lies to, cheats on, and treats like dirt. Iv'e never brought any of this to her attention but its getting to a point where i cant take it anymore. At one point he was calling other girls from my boyfriends phone so that he wouldn't get caught! When we go out and he comes along, he is always flirting with several girls and taking their numbers! What a pig. It's known of my business but he does all of this in front of me.
He can be very disrespectful and vulgar which makes my blood boil. Recently he came with us to run an errand which i was fine with. So i get in the car and my seat is completely upright and pushed as far as it can go. So i adjusted my seat back to get comfortable and it hit his knees(he's very tall). So my boyfriend got upset at me for moving my seat! He then say's "Geese you would think they would've taught you manners at that million dollar school you went to!" I just looked at him and said "no i only got a good education! So sorry deal with it." I couldn't believe he just said that to me. He would rather me sit uncomfortably, then his brother. And the entire way the both of them kept making smart comments about how rude i am, and how i'm better then everyone and i don't have manners. I was livid at this point. I don't know what to do at this point. He always sides with his brother as if i'm no one important. I'm his girlfriend and mother of his child! If i cant rely on him of all people to stand up for me, who can i rely on? We're supposed to be a team. But he always pulls the "he's my brother" card. He can't seem to see when his brother does wrong. I'm always wrong and i'm the b***** for being rude to him. I'm sorry but if he can't respect me, why should i? If my boyfriend can't put a stop to this and continues to choose his brother over me, then our four year relationship was just a waste of time. And its sad to say that this might be the end of it. Please help!!!

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Rosa Cabrera RN

Great Betty! Hope things get better in your house.

Best of luck,

Rosa

August 27, 2011 - 8:39am

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betty1988

hi Rosa, thanks or your feedback. i approached him calmly and we spoke about what was on my mind. I told him if his brother can't respect me then he isn't welcome at our house. He agreed with me and said he would talk to him. Hopefully things get better. :)

Thanks a lot!
Betty

August 26, 2011 - 5:28pm

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Rosa Cabrera RN

Hi Betty1988,

As frustraing as it sounds, don't approach your boyfriend with frustration at first. I certainly don't think you have to tolerate your boyfriend's brother being with you and acting like a jerk all the time but you usually get people to listen more when approached in a conversational manner rather than an explosive, upset one. Propose that you take your son to the zoo (or anywhere) next week and for it to just be the three of you. If you don't go out alone often then I don't see this being a problem. As far as your boyfriend's brother being a pig, there isn't much you can change about that but you can express how you don't want him to set a poor example for your son.

Good Luck,

Rosa

August 25, 2011 - 8:25am