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I am a 21 year old female with no sex drive... Help?

By Anonymous July 20, 2009 - 1:30pm
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low libido in young women

Via Pexels

I am a 21 year old female with no sex drive. I love my boyfriend, I WANT to be intimate with him, but once the time comes for intercourse, I am dry as a desert downstairs and confused because I know I want him. I have low libido for a young woman. It is like there is no communication between my brain and my body parts. We've talked this through (because we've both had problems as of late), and both of us have come to the conclusion that we are tired and our diets are different as of late because we are not at home (actually on the other side of the country for a few more weeks). I understand diet can affect sex-drive but my diet has probably improved since being here, but I can admit that I've been pretty tired. Also, in the past month, I started bleeding mid-cycle even though I take the pill consistently. I visited the doctor and everything was normal, and I will start a new pill in a week or two once this cycle is done. I just don't know what to do. We want each other so badly, but I wasn't ready dowstairs when he was definitely ready. What can I do? Why is there low libido in young women?

Add a Comment56 Comments

(reply to Anonymous)

Hi Anon,

It seems like you've just gotten tired of the routine of having sex. It's great that he still has the desire to have sex with you frequently but maybe all you need is something to spice it up. Consider role playing, using toys, you initiating it instead of him, being spontaneous-- the routine is what gets boring sometimes-- this doesn't mean that you don't love him, it's clear that you do. Sometimes we just need that spontaneity and excitement from the beginning of the relationship back.

Good Luck,


August 25, 2011 - 9:32am
EmpowHER Guest

I'm the same way, I'm 25 and have no sex drive, but what's werid is whenever I first meet someone and start dating them I will have a sex drive for about a month then its gone after that, and when I do have intercourse there's no effect for me with any of my previous partners, I am on birth control for going on 7 years, my bf who I have been dating off and on for 6 years, it really affects him. He does not feel right having sex with someone who in a since doesn't want/ care to have sex, cuz I don't really care if I do or don't.

August 22, 2011 - 7:58am

hello i am also 21 i have no sex drive i have felt like this for about 2 years . i also feel like i a "baggy and abit numb" downstairs, when we do have sex it seems to collect air then push it back out which causes alot of embarrassment i do feel him but not quite as much as i used to and i do get very wet which makes it quite hard for him not to slip about abit . i bought a kegl8 machine and i've been using it for nearly a year with not much change. i do have 2 children (3 and 1&ahalf) . i have body issues with my boobs due to feeding for 11 months. i find it had to start sex like asking him i have lost masses of confidence since having the kids. but my issues are makin our relationship very tense and stressful as he feels i dont try and dont care. i know i want sex but my body and brain dont seem to wanna talk to each other.
any help would be great thanks

August 18, 2011 - 6:26am
EmpowHER Guest

Hello, you can call me "Red",
I just recently turned 21 and I noticed that I have a serious lack of sex-drive and a constant numb feeling in place of my emotions. I've felt this way for some time now, (maybe 6 months)? I'm in a relationship -> I enjoy having relations with my guy, but i'm always dry, and am never "satisfied".
I enjoy life, my friends, my job, ect. I'm just not sure whats going on with my body anymore. I eat healthy, always active. Things that I enjoyed sexually don't entertain me anymore. I don't feel happy, or sad. Just numb. I don't get butterflies in my stomach, nervous, anything.
Any ideas on what I can do to turn this around?

June 12, 2011 - 9:18pm
EmpowHER Guest

im 21 i have a3yr old iv been with my bf who is 29 for nearly a yr now. i only see him at weekends coz of his job. it seems like when he bac he always want sex and he wants it like how its on the internet. well i really have gone off sex and just feel cheap after and i really dont enjoy it. in my world i could live without it. we fall out quite abit over sex and i dont no what to do any more

June 12, 2011 - 2:25pm

if anyone has anything insightful regarding the last person's "help" comment ...that is what people are looking for. not comments like "go see a dr"... Im sure anyone posting on here has considered that option already... we're all just looking for genuine heartfelt advice - something we can't get from people who know us personally.

April 25, 2011 - 5:28pm
(reply to search4answers)

Hi search4answers,

Why can't you receive genuine heartfelt advice from people who know you personally...that would be the best option, as they do know you personally and can perhaps provide some valuable insight.

You are looking for answers, and I read through your previous posts. I was surprised at how you have put your boyfriend on a pedestal and are "so grateful" that your boyfriend "puts up with you". I am wondering if your unfair fighting techniques that you have described are stemming from this lopsided perspective that you have on your relationship. Perhaps a different perspective on what you offer to the relationship, that you are not "crazy" or "pick fights"...but rather, you have some opinions and feelings that need to be expressed, and perhaps you can find better ways of expressing them. Also, you may feel the need to "fight" or "yell" about your feelings if the receiver (your boyfriend) is not listening and hearing you in the way you need.

In other words: I doubt you are "all bad" and he is "all good".

So...if you take out of the equation your worry about you being attracted to him, sexual concerns and that you are lucky to have him (he is equally lucky to have you)...what you have is communication issues.

There are many, many resources on learning how to effectively communicate with your partner. There are equally the same number of resources to learn fair fighting techniques. However...you both would need to agree to commit to improving in these areas. Your boyfriend is not perfect, or you would not feel the need to start arguments or fights or go on the attack. You can be real with yourself and identify some possible reasons you feel backed in a corner and automatically go on the attack (it's usually because someone feels they are either going to be the victim or the attacker, so you would rather strike first to head off being the victim). It could be the way you relate to each other; it could be that neither one of you learned effective communication and fair fighting techniques. Either way, if you both want to improve this aspect of your relationship, it is wonderful bonding experience as well as promotes more trust and intimacy between you two....exactly what you are looking for, right?

I hope this helps!

May 8, 2011 - 6:52pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Alison Beaver)

Some people. I know that my friends would make it a joke..I rather would turn it to internet cause personally I'm going through the same thing..all of it I just have no interest but I love the man dearly..and my friends don't help me much specially when I really need it

November 8, 2014 - 8:55pm
EmpowHER Guest

well...go see a docter and get check out =)

April 25, 2011 - 5:16pm
EmpowHER Guest

I am a 21 year old female, and I have been in a relationship for five years. I still masturbate every now and again, however when it comes to having sex I just don't want to, affection in general other than cuddling is akward for me all of sudden. I have never cheated on my boyfriend and as far as i know I don't believe hes cheated either lol. I just don't know whats wrong with me. Sometimes I say that its bc hes not aggressive or spontaneous and won't just take me when he has the urge b.c those are qualities that turn me on... other times people have suggested that maybe I am just not attracted to him anymore--- this is something I refuse to believe , bc why on earth would I stay with someone that I am not attracted to? Right? I know for a fact I could not picture my life without him, and I know for a fact there is not one other guy that I could possibly be interested in or attracted to for that matter...Another reason I sometimes attribute this to is that we fight an awful lot about insignifcant issues ? Is that why? and if it is why are we fighting all the time ( most of our fights in my opinion I feel like are my fault, like i pick the fights alot=/ but i cant stop it and i dont know why i do it !!) He is a fantastic guy and like i said I do not doubt my love for him even a little bit and when it comes to trust I honestly do not think that I trust anyone more than I trust him.... so what the heck is the problem?? HELP ME !

April 25, 2011 - 12:48pm
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