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I want sex more than my boyfriend, why?

By April 19, 2010 - 1:02am
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I've known my boyfriend for 13 years, we went to high school together. We actually dated for 2 weeks when I was 14, and I broke up with him because he was too nice. We would see each other every now and then through mutual friends, and we always got along. As I got older I was so attracted to him, and finally he made the moves on me after 12 years. We have been dating for almost a year now, and we just moved in together. Ironically, he is not the nice guy he used to be, and I'm shocked! We kinda butt heads, because we are both very stubborn! He has a big past of being a ladies man, and have tons of sexually partners. So you can understand my shock when I'm the sex machine, and he rather just hang out. I know he loves me, and I'm pretty sure he is attracted to me, but it really hurts my self esteem that sex doesn't really matter that much to him. We fight about this the most! He says it's not me, but what is it? I thought maybe at first he was just nervous, because we have known each other for so long, and never had sex before? Or that he smokes too much weed? Or stress at work? But, now I just don't know? Even when we go out, and we get home and he's been drinking you'd think he'd be horny, but he just passes out. So I lay in bed, and cry. Guys say they want a girl that wants to have sex all the time...but do they really? We do it like every four days, but mostly cause he wants too or because he just wants me too shut up about it. I just wish he wanted me like I want him:( I know he's not cheating, I trust him. But, I just need some advice please!

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Hi Orangegirl-

This is one of the most common questions we see here. If you look at the questions and answers all over this page: https://www.empowher.com/community/ask/my-boyfriend-never-has-sex-me-anymore you will see what I mean.

I'm hearing several things from you. Your boyfriend drinks and smokes pot, both of which can have a negative effect on sex drive and performance. You say you are butting heads a lot-maybe you are having some relationship issues that make him less interested in sex? Is he healthy? Good health is important to good sex. A healthy diet, plenty of activity-these things are also important to his body's hormone levels that control sex drive.

Everyone is different, male or female, and we all have different sex drives and expectations. You say every four days is not often enough, but some people are happy with sex once a month or even less. So you might want to discuss expectations of a happy sex life.

Stress can put a damper on a sex drive, whether it is work stress or relationship stress. Instead of being upset with him about your situation, have you talked and really listened to what is going on with your boyfriend? Is he very worried about something? Is he exhausted? Ask him how he is feeling or what is going on with him and then be silent and listen. Don't jump in with your concerns, but really actively listen to what is going on with him. If he can discuss all of his worries and concerns, you will feel closer to each other.

Often sex is a reflection of what is happening in a relationship. So try to give your boyfriend support and see if that helps.

April 19, 2010 - 8:36am
(reply to Cary Cook BSN RN)

Thanks Cary Cook! I will try everything you said! I love him so much, and i want this too work! Today he said he has just been really tired. I really appreciate you taking the time to respond:)

April 19, 2010 - 11:42pm
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