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I'm really struggling here...

By October 5, 2009 - 9:47pm
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For a while now, I've had a hard time with something going on within my marriage. I have been married for a little over two years and I love my husband dearly. He is my best friend and confident and I am thankful he is in my life. Over the course of our marriage, there have been some issues that have bothered me. He has a problem with flirting and I've seen him from time to time cross the line. He hasn't cheated on me(physically) but I've seen him have inappropriate conversations with girls through his phone and email. I saw today that one of my girl friends ( his friend as well) sent him sexy pics this past may....(which were in his email) and she has a boyfriend as well. She isn't an attractive girl so I was never threatened but I was shocked to see them. To me, this is a HUGE deal... its heart wreching every time I see something like this. I despise the internet and his phone for this reason.

We've discussed it and he stops, and then it seems to pop up again? He says it is all just talk that it means nothing.. that he just has a flirty personality but its hard for me to feel like I'm enough when I see things like this. Also, my husband is in the military... hes gone a lot. I dont want to feel I should even worry you know? I've prayed about this situation... We've discussed it. I dont want to even have to think or wonder if he still is continueing this behavior.... He gets upset cause I bring it up a lot, but i cant let go of something that keeps continueing.
We are both religious and have our beliefs... we were going to church for awhile and then stopped. Maybe its time to get back into it? I don't want to give up and I'm not considering divorce. I want to be with my husband, I just want him completely.. I dont want to feel he needs attention from other women.

Any advice would be wonderful.

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I am very sorry you and your husband have hit rocky road but I am going to give you a bit of tough love...

If you have seen inappropriate conversations through email and text messaging and he is "flirting" with a woman to the point where she is sending him "sexy" pictures of herself, then there is something more going on than shameless flirting. IF he has not cheated, it's only a matter of time. I hate not to give your husband the benefit of the doubt here but, in my marriage, photos of other women and flirty chats are unacceptable and definitely in the cheating zone.

I truly understand your sympathy from him being in the military but let's be honest-- that doesn't make it right nor does it give him leeway to do what he is doing. When you say that it stops after you confront him, it probably doesn't stop he just does a better job of hiding it from you until he thinks you've forgotten and then you find him again.

Based on your original post I can tell you really love him and want to save your marriage. If he feels the same way you do perhaps he will consider going to counseling with you in order to subdue this so called flirt syndrome he has.

Good luck-- let us know how things go.

October 6, 2009 - 5:48am
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