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im a virgin and my boyfriend wants sex but i dont

By December 7, 2009 - 6:42pm
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like my boyfriend is like a sexual person and im not because im a virgin and like i kinda wanna do it some time but he keeps asking me but i feel like thats all he wants from me because alot of guys wanna have sex with me but i turn them down and i think he is like them

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EmpowHER Guest

I am 13 and I was talking to a guy for a while and I really liked him but he just recently told me he lost his virginity at 14 to my childhood bestfriend who is 12. I just ignored it but then he told me he won't date me unless I have sex with him, because he is "sexually active". I still really like him, but all he wants is sex and I don't know what to do:(

July 29, 2017 - 8:24am
HERWriter Guide (reply to Anonymous)

Hi Anon

This boy you are talking to you is playing mind games. You may not feel like a child much but you are and you should not be sexually active with a male, you are far too young, no matter what you hear or read/see online.
Tell this person the best gift he can give you is to NOT date you. Men should not be pressuring women to have sex and certainly not a child!

He may have all sorts of nasty infections and diseases; don't go near him. Run a mile. Any male who won't date a female if she won't have sex with him isn't worth your time. He wants you, he has already had your friend at the age of 12. He's gross, having sex with children like this. Before you know it he'll have dumped you and have gone on to another friend, trying to coerce her into doing the same thing and laughing to his friends about it. Don't be another number to him - don't be another story for him to tell his friends.
Dating is hard and it tough to be a teen but you still have to be smart. I have a 13 year old and they won't never stand for this - be strong!!

July 29, 2017 - 10:20am

I'm 17, my boyfriend is 21 in the state I live in it's legal thank you age of consent. My boyfriend waited until I was ready to have sex, because I was a virgin and he wasn't. It's got to be your choice not his. You have to do what's best for you. If he pressures you into something you don't want to do you lose a part of yourself, and if it's the wrong time you'll desperately want it back.

February 15, 2011 - 7:01pm
EmpowHER Guest

i'm so happy i read this because i was having the same problem. My bf asked me for sex 1000 times and i kept saying no, we stopped talking for 3 days and then i tried making thing better, i asked him if he really loves me then he has to respect my feelings and the decision i've made, he then said i understand you but your selfish! So i asked him to take a last decision and he gave me 2 options to choose from, either have it or leave eachother, so i chose the second option to leave eachother. I will get hurt because this relationship was going on more than 2/3 years but now i have realised he is not the one for me.

By reading the comments above ^^ made me feel that i've made the right decision.

February 11, 2011 - 8:34am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

I really underatand the point of view and everything because my girlfriend doesn't want to have sex but let's say I wouldn't mind if we did, but 2/3 years? You don'5 understand that for a guy, sex is an important part of a relationship and that so many time is way too much! I know we're not all the same but most guys won't be able to hold this long...

February 26, 2017 - 10:04pm
EmpowHER Guest

Don't let anyone tell you that you need to have sex to prove your love. You are wise to save yourself for the right person, hopefully it will be in marriage relationship. If he really cares for you, he will wait until you are ready. You will find that the guys in your life will respect you more if you are a virgin than not. I was a virgin until my wedding night, and I am so glad I didn't give my body to anyone but my husband. Listen to your heart, and do what is right. If your boyfriend isn't willing to wait, then you are better off without him.

December 8, 2009 - 11:24am


I agree very much with Rosa. You have to stand your ground here. You have to trust your own feelings. You didn't say how old you are, but it really doesn't matter. Whether you are 14 or 24, when you say No, it means No.

If it helps your argument, though, feel free to set an 'age" goal that you don't want to have sex before. For instance, if you are 15, you can tell your boyfriend that you are just not going to have sex until you are 17, period. And that if he wants to stay around, that's great, but he needs to know that even if he asks 100 times, your answer is going to be no, at least until you are 17.

It would be interesting to see if, knowing that you mean it, if your boyfriend still stays with you and respects your point of view. If he doesn't, then you will know you were right to be so careful.

Hang in there, moosiebaby. No one should pressure you for sex if you don't want to have it. It's a decision for you and you alone to make, when you are ready to.

December 8, 2009 - 10:01am


If you feel as though your boyfriend is pressuring you to have sex with him all the time and this makes you uncomfortable then I think it's best for you to tell him how you feel and that if he chooses to stay with you knowing that sex is NOT an option, then he needs to respect you and the decision you've made. I know it's hard to have to constantly say no to sex when you're young and being pressured into it but standing your ground is important.

If he can't understand that you are not ready for sex then I think it's best you two part ways. You will find someone who understands an respects you. Good Luck, please keep us posted.

December 8, 2009 - 6:27am
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