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Is it me or him?

By Anonymous December 10, 2010 - 5:05pm
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My boyfriend of just over a year has just stopped having sex with me altogether for a week now. We live together and he doesnt even bother to make out with me or get close to me. Moving in together was his idea and the romance is still very much alive in other aspects. He takes me out to dinner and writes letters to me when he's at work. He'll give the letters to me when he gets home (I'm a student so I get home earlier than he does) and tells me that I'm beautiful and he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. When i confronted him about him not really being enthusiastic to have sex anymore, he told me its hard for him to get up and stay up as often as I'd like him to because of his size. He also blamed my libido and said its hard to satisfy me multiple times a day like i prefer. I backed off and he seems happier I don't push for sex anymore but now he simply doesn't even think about or suggest sex at all!

Do i continue to stay quiet and satisfy myself in other ways? For almost a month now I've been using sex toys to satiate myself throughout the day as my sex life is slowly diminishing but I would much rather have real sex with my boyfriend where he's enjoying it as much as i am. I'm starting to feel resentment even though I really shouldnt... I tried everything: sexy lingerie, texting him things to get his imagination running, leaving him videos on his desktop... Nothing is working and I've given up which he seems happier about. I dont even talk to him about sex or walk around naked like I used to.

I know I am an attractive and strong woman. I get hit on all the time and asked out constantly but I know what I want. I want my boyfriend to be closer to me in bed... I know he's not cheating on me and he isnt stressed about work because he just recently got a raise too. We had a heart to heart about our sex issue and he says I'm too ambitious and I need to tone it down a bit. Sex 2-3 times a day went down to sex once every week and now its been over a week since we had sex. Should I even be worried? What should I do? When we were having sex once every few days, I could tell he really wasnt into it. He slowly started to get more and more disinterested in me... Now we haven't had sex all week and its because I stopped trying to get at him like he requested.

I'm 20 and in college. My boyfriend just graduated and found a job a few months ago. He is doing so well working for the government that they gave him a raise already. He also comes home happy and likes to go out on dates to keep the relationship alive but I feel like a healthy relationship entails a healthy sex life. Having sex once a week and not being into it feels unhealthy to me in my opinion. My boyfriend begs to differ and says its just me.

So is it me or is there something I'm missing about my boyfriend? I really feel like its me. If it is me being just too ambitious, its killing me being quiet about it and not being able to do something about our lack of sex. Is it too early to tell?

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Expert HERWriter Guide Blogger

You're not alone, many other women have written in about similar experiences. You can read more here: https://www.empowher.com/community/ask/why-doesnt-my-boyfriend-want-have-sex-me-anymore

December 10, 2010 - 5:17pm
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