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Married for 16yrs..

By Anonymous December 31, 2014 - 11:02am
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Ive been married for 16 yrs and we have had our problems but one of the recent is sex. I dont seem to want to have sex with HIM. I love him but like i said we have our fair share of marital problems. There has been trust issues with him and low self esteem on my part. But ive recently been working out and have lost 30 lbs and i have changed my confidence is better and i feel better. My husband wants sex almost everyday and I dont. I dont know what to do. He tells me he gets stressed and that calms him but that makes me feel like a piece of meat.

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Dear Anon,

Thank you for visiting the EmpowHER community and sharing your situation. 

Marriage isn't easy, especially when you throw marital problems such as trust issues into the mix. 

As for sex, it seems to me that listening to women talk, we need to have our needs met before we want to have sex with our partners. And our needs being, to feel loved, cared for, respected and adored. If we feel like a 'piece of meat' there is no way you are going to want to have sex!

I understand that men feel that having sex releases stress and anxiety and that's ok when both partners are feeling respected and loved.  It also releases stress for women too-but we often balance our stress relievers with other things...i.e. working out, talking to friends, having a manicure, knitting (whatever hobby).

There are other ways a man can relieve his stress too! A kick boxing class, massage, finding a hobby. It's not a wife's job to take on 100% of his stress by having sex every day.

Try talking to you hubby about how you are feeling. That asking for sex every day belittles you and makes you feel used. Acknowledge his stress and try to find ways to help him relieve his stress in other ways too...like a shoulder massage, or going for a bike ride together or finding a hobby you both can enjoy.

What do you think? Did this help?



December 31, 2014 - 12:25pm
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