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my boyfriend of 12 years doesnt want to have sex as much as i do!

By May 31, 2010 - 5:50pm
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So we have been together for 12 years and we have a good relationship, but when it comes to sex he doesn't want to take his time or he doesn't want to do it! Its making me feel like I need to go off and wonder, but that's the last thing I want!! I really love this guy but I don't want to stay if things arnt going to get better and I don't want to hurt him........

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Hi Kimmy

This is not uncommon. You don't say how old the two of you are, but if you've been together 12 years I'll guess at least 30. Other than relationship problems which can definitely put the damper on sex drive, there are many things that can lower his drive.

Is he under a lot of stress? Is he ill? Has he changed his diet dramatically or started a new medication? These are just a few of the things that can have an effect. Are you getting along well?

I wonder if you have discussed this with him? Have you asked what is going on with him and really listened to the answer? Sometimes a lower sex drive can be situational, but sometimes people just need different amounts of sex. You may want it every day to be happy, and someone else may be happy with twice a year. But I'm guessing this isn't it or you wouldn't have been together 12 years.

If you are comfortable giving a little more detail, hopefully we can point you in the right direction. We get similar questions to this regularly, so know you are not alone: https://www.empowher.com/community/ask/why-doesnt-my-boyfriend-want-have-sex-me-anymore

Thank you for writing and if you want to discuss this further, please write again.

June 2, 2010 - 6:43am
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