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my boyfriend of 3.5 years has no libido, what can I do

By February 18, 2011 - 6:10am
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Sage advice for all of us (me included!). Glad it sounds like you are on the right track with this, I could learn from you. :)
Take care,
- Christine

February 25, 2011 - 9:18am

Yes i totally agree with you, id never stop looking after my self i go by the saying you need to love your self before you can love some one else. And if you dont love your self its hard to think that someone else would love you. Mens low libidos can cause alot of stress in a relationship as it was doin for me at one stage, but as i said we have talked about it like mature adults :) he understands that some things were slowly affecting our relationship its not hard work to fix it if you can communicate with your partner :) good communication is a big key to me and my partner. I still take care of my self and look after my 2 boys (my children to a previous relationship) im a very independant female, have a daily routine, my partner and i have alot of other very strong connections together other than just sex, so overall i have not much to worry about :) your advice is great though as some people tend to concentrate on their partners more than themselves. Thanks for that advice :)

February 24, 2011 - 3:20pm

Hello, i have the same problem atm with my boyfriend. He has lost his libido (sex drive) we have spoke about the situation and ive also put in to view many reasons for the situation such as stress, attraction issues, depression work issues ect ..... Get to the point lol ive done some research on males sex drives / libidos and there is natural ways to get it back :) such as impoving their health things they eat, protein intake, excersise, or health supplements i found this page helpfull ........ www.selfgrowth.com/articles/Brian3.html there is plenty more just google and research and maybe if it is affecting him and you are both open about it research it together :) hope i helped and good luck

February 24, 2011 - 5:25am
(reply to Babibubbles)

Hi babibubbles,
Thanks for your comment. It's good to see someone on the site providing a positive and productive solution. I hope your own situation is resolved soon. It also is good to note that regardless of what is going on with your boyfriend, you can choose to instead of being concerned with his sex drive, you may want to focus on yourself. Focus on making yourself happy while he figures out his own thing. You are not responsible for him, and can't change him--that is an adult relationship. It's good that you advocate for your relationship, but don't forget to focus on you also. I'm not a doctor, or therapist, so take it with a grain of salt--don't listen to me if you think it's hogwash. But I also have found from my own experience, that if you're too clingy, and too concerned with "fixing" the relationship, it can also be a turn-off for a guy. True, relationships can be work to keep the fire going, but it also shouldn't be so hard. Guys like confident, independent women who take care of themselves.
Good luck and let us know how you're doing.

February 24, 2011 - 8:43am
EmpowHER Guest

I've been with mine for 3 years too, and have the same problem. I am younger than him and want more intimacy, but I am lucky to get it once every three months. My guy is always tired cause he works 6 days a week, and when he's not working he is helping others. He is under a lot of stress, and plus being over weight and taking blood pressure meds, that doesn't help. He won't seek help for that issue, so I just patiently wait..drives me crazy cause we end up arging about it too. I try to tell him it's not the sex I crave but the bonding you get when you make love.
So I know how you feel. Hope you get more sucessful than I am getting. Best of luck!

February 19, 2011 - 4:22pm

Hi jrsbon,
Thanks for your question and for joining EmpowHER. I'm sorry you are going through this. What do you think is at the root of the problem? Have you discussed this with your boyfriend? Has he seen, or would he see a medical professional about the problem?
All you can do is be supportive, and urge him to get help or get over his problem. The choice is yours how long you want to give him to work past the issue, or decide to move on.
Good luck! Let us know how you're doing or if you have more questions.

February 18, 2011 - 10:14am
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