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my boyfriend isn't attractted to me and won't have sex with me, so why is he still with me?

By Anonymous July 5, 2009 - 12:37pm
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I've been dating my boyfriend for a year and a half, and in the beginning everything was amazing. We would have sex several times a day everyday, we couldn't keep our hands off each other. After about four months we started fighting all the time over everything, mainly due to both of us drinking. I do have to say that I am not a fighter, nor the instigator, but I have become a fighter out of sheer frustration. Also, I have severely cut down on drinking to be clear headed when he starts arguing with me, although he has not cut down at all. Even with all of the fighting we still managed to have sex everyday up until about five months ago. He flat out told me during one of our arguments that he doesn't find me attractive anymore. When I ask him why we don't have sex anymore he says "I don't know what to say to you" and "I just don't feel like it" yet he masturbates to porn every day, sometimes twice, the minute I walk out the door for work. He doesn't have any problems getting an erection. He tells me that I am the "love of his life" that I am his "best friend" and I really don't think he is cheating on me, but to be honest I wouldn't be that surprised. I just don't understand why he is still with me and why he would rather have sex with himself than with me. Thanks for your help.

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Hey anon, we're glad you found empowher.com. The issue you describe here is something that other women on our site have experienced as well. You may find it beneficial to to check out this post.

And we're proud of you for seeing the benefits of cutting down on alcohol, especially as it involved fighting. And I have a few questions for you .... Did your boyfriend begin drinking after you started dating? Do you think he drinks to excess? If so, have you noticed any other lifestyle changes that would make you believe that he has an issue with substance abuse? If so, you may want to to check out this link as well. Perhaps what's motivating his drinking is also motivating his change in behavior toward you.

And a final question for you -- it sounds your boyfriend -- while full of kind words may not behaving in a way that is ideal for you. What keeps you in this relationship? Have you thought about your motivations for investing in this relationship long terms? Look forward to hearing more from you.

July 5, 2009 - 1:35pm
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