My boyfriend never wants to have sex! Help!

By Kk1985 August 15, 2011 - 6:08am

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I am a 26 year old female and am dating a 22 year old male. He is very mature for his age and has been in his career for 6 years now and is at the top of his career ladder. He works very hard and does a minimum of 55hr weeks up to over 70hrs a week and has been that way since before we started dating. Work has always been his life and I respect that but our sex life has significantly changed for the worse. When we first started dating (6 months ago) it seemed like everytime we saw each other he couldn't keep his hands off me and we had sex multiple times a day. Now we live together and are very much in love but I'm lucky if we have sex once a month!! I have no idea what happened and I know he enjoys sex with me and I with him but he says he's always tired and has been like this and has always had a low sex drive but if this is true why would it be so crazy in the beginning?? I actually had to tell him we were doing it too much and I was starting to hurt from too much sex in the beginning and now I feel like I have to beg for sex! He's the sweetest, most affectionate guy I've ever met but I'm just not being met sexually anymore and it's really frustrating! It bothers him a lot that I don't orgasm every time we have sex but I've told him that I still enjoy sex with him I just can't orgasm (probably due to sexual abuse as a child) but I can't control it! Is that maybe the reason? I know he has every reason to be tired but he is never in the mood even after having the weekends off from work. I almost feel like he wasn't being real in the beginning because how would it change so much? I would think a guy his age would be just as crazy about sex as I am but he's just not :( do you think he's masturbating or cheating??

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betty1988

hey kk1985, i get your frustration. Him not wanting to have sex has a lot to do with how much he works. My boyfriend used to have the same problem. Wok was physically demanding so how could i expect him to get up and have sex with me on the switch of a light? Maybe you should try taking control. Be a little aggressive and playful! Have him lay back and take control just to get things started. Maybe some excitement and spice will wake him up. its worth a try.

I came to realize that guys masturbate whether they have girlfriends or not. I have a lot of male friends and have had this convo with them many times. But i don't think you should jump to conclusions of him cheating just yet. Unless you have other reasons to believe he is. Just because you aren't having sex regularly doesn't mean he's cheating. He may really be too tired. So try being playful and seduce him! see where that takes you! if it doesn't work then try talking to him on a serious note.

August 23, 2011 - 4:24pm

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Rosa Cabrera RN

Hi Kk1985,

Thanks for your post-- I can't tell you if he is masturbating or cheating-- only he knows that. We actually have very similar posts to yours on the site.
You can find them here:
https://www.empowher.com/community/ask/why-doesnt-my-boyfriend-want-have-sex-me-anymore

Please read through them. Unfortunately, there are many reasons why your boyfriend isn't having sex with you and the fact that he works 55+ hours a week, can certainly be a reason.

Best Wishes,

Rosa

August 15, 2011 - 7:14am