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My boyfriend won't have sex with me anymore

By March 21, 2012 - 6:42pm
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My boyfriend and I have been dating for about two years. We just moved in together and he was very excited and I was hopeful that I would work very well. However, since the move it is difficult to get him to have sex with me. Most of the time, I have to beg him (which I hate doing) and this makes him feel bad so he has sex with me. But because of that, I don't even enjoy it.
I am still very attracted to him and tell him often how handsome I think he is. Lately, he has not given me any compliments at all. I try to wear outfits around the house that I know he likes to get him to respond but I get nothing. He had made a comment once that "Bones are for dogs," poking at the fact that I am too skinny. But he said that he still thinks I'm beautiful and loves me. I believe him but I am becoming increasingly annoyed and frustrated with this situation. I get angry at him very easily and I am afraid that it is going to ruin our living arrangements.

I am trying my best to understand the possibilities. I am a full time student and work as often as I can and he works full time as well. We also have a dog that we're responsible for and I admit I am usually exhausted at the end of the day. However, I would set my exhaustion aside if he would jump in bed with me but he will not do the same.
I'm really starting to worry and it's consuming all of my time. I get very emotional about it because I try very hard to stay in shape despite my busy schedule. I get approached by guys when I go out all of time time but I am not interested in any of them except my boyfriend. Am I cheating myself? I love him dearly and I know he loves me back but a healthy attraction and sex life is very important to me in a relationship. Would I be brash to say this could be a major factor in whether we will stay together?

Add a Comment3 Comments

Hi TinaB,

Welcome to EmpowHER! I'm so sorry that you're going through this. Unfortunately, it seems to be a common frustration and there is never a right answer.

Moving in together could have made things boring for him, simple as that. But that isn't love. Sex isn't love either, but if it's that important to you then I wouldn't say it's too harsh that it may make or break a relationship.

Have you tried talking to him about it? Maybe there is something that's bothering him on a deeper level. Oftentimes, a disinterest in sex could be the result of emotional turmoil. Has anything else major happened besides the move-in?

Have you tried letting it go for awhile? Maybe people find it unattractive to have someone constantly asking them for sex. Try to set a date in the future that you will bring it up again, but not before that point. 

In any case, you are not wrong for wanting to have sex with your boyfriend who you love. It is not okay for him to put you down.

Sometimes it helps to reach out to others who are going through the same thing. Visit our sex & relationship group to connect: https://www.empowher.com/groups/Sex-and-Relationships

Best of luck to you & keep us updated. Maybe you'll find a magic answer!


March 21, 2012 - 6:57pm
(reply to Danielle Serrano)

Thank you for your response! I have talked to him about and asked if there was anything else wrong but he always replies with a "it's not you, it's me." I know that he is stressed right now. He is trying to decide what he wants to do for further education (more college or the military) so it might just be that. He has also gained some weight recently which might have him self conscious? I know it can be so man things and I am trying very hard to be patient. I think stepping back at this point seems to be the best choice. Knowing him, a little space and time to think will be good.

March 21, 2012 - 7:15pm
(reply to tinaB)


It sounds like you're on to something! Good luck!



March 22, 2012 - 6:26am
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