My partner masturbates instead of having sex with me

By Anonymous September 1, 2009 - 9:25am

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My partner and I have only been together for 6 months and he continually masturbates instead of having sex with me.

I have a high sex drive and would be happy to have sex at least once a day, however I understand that not everyone is built the same and I have to respect that sometimes he will say no etc, that's not what bothers me...

What does bother me is the fact that I have been practically begging him for sex for over a week, he continually rejects me and then goes and masturbates in the shower instead :( it's so hurtful, it makes me feel like I must be really unattractive or terrible in bed or something.

He tries to reassure me, he says it's only when i'm not willing to have sex with him... but I am never not willing... I always want him, when I told him this he tried to bring up specific times but couldn't, then he got really defensive and upset with me and basically refused to talk about it without arguing.

I really don't know what else I can do, I do anything he wants in the bedroom, I even let him watch porn while we're having sex... sounds terrible I know but it works for both of us, I really love to see how turned on he is by it... In the beginning he said no one had ever "done it" for him the way I do but now that seems to have changed.

I do all the work when we have sex, He never wants to go on top, I am not unhappy with this, he is amazing in bed and sex is always fantastic when it happens... but I am now left asking myself...

What is wrong with me? does he find me unattractive? am I not pleasing him in bed? I am overweight but he says this doesn't bother him at all, Besides I am the exact same weight I was when we first got together so he was obviously attracted to me at some point, I know he loves really big boobs (G cup +) and I only have C cups verging on D but he also says this doesn't bother him and as I said, I let him watch porn of gorgeous girls with really huge breasts when we have sex... so what is it?

I would be perfectly happy for him to masturbate as much as he likes if he still wanted to sleep with me, I know men get the urge sometimes... but why reject me for his hand? :(

It's breaking my heart and I really don't know what to do about it... My self esteem is getting lower by the day, I really do love him and he's fantastic in pretty much every other way, but I can't continue on this way... it's destroying me emotionally :( Any advice?

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Anonymous

Omg I'm in tears reading this because its ME! I don't know what's going on I'm confused and feeling so worthless.

August 29, 2017 - 7:32pm

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Alison Beaver

This seems to be a common question, and will forward it to one of our experts for their response.

In the meantime, you may find a similar discussion helpful:
https://www.empowher.com/community/ask/boyfriend-masturbates-even-though-haveing-willing-girlfriend

September 1, 2009 - 12:39pm