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Newlyweds and pregnant- relationship has lost all intimacy

By Anonymous October 13, 2012 - 9:22am
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My husband and I have been together nearly three years and have been married since March. Two months after the wedding, we got pregnant (planned). I started to see a drop in my husband's libido before the wedding but I just assumed it was due to stress but it has gradually gotten worse. As of today, it has been a month since he laid a hand on me. I've tried talking to him repeatedly and he insists that nothing is wrong but how can that be when I feel so rejected? At a time when I'm already vulnerable about my changing body (I'm now 6 months preggo), he could not be making me feel less attractive. He never even kisses me anymore. Sometimes, this makes me hate him. I used to have to beat him off with a stick, now he barely looks at me. Is there anything I can do or is this marriage doomed to fail?

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Hi Anon,

Thank you for posting. Before you assume that your relationship is doomed to fail remember that there are a couple of things going on right now. First and more importantly: you are making a baby. Pregnancy is a BIG deal, there are surges in hormones that really do cause fluctuations in your mood and therefore your thoughts and actions. Like those times when you feel like punching him, for example. Be prepared to have these linger around for a while-- they'll still be there even after child birth. Secondly, men react differently to pregnancies. Some men love it, some men get scared away-- he may think he's hurting your baby during sex or he is having a hard time seeing you shift from a sexy woman to a pregnant mother-to-be. There are plenty of men who have a difficult time coping with the later of the two reasons and that's probably why he may be insistent that there is nothing wrong when in fact he may just not be attracted to you- right now. 

Take your pregnancy one day at a time, worry about the little one that you are carrying-- think about his or her well being and try not to stress out. Your baby will feel your stress and right now there are more important things to worry about. Remember there is no rule that says that because a woman is pregnant she can't dress sexy for bed and fix herself up to go out. 

Best of luck,


October 13, 2012 - 3:42pm
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