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Question on Sex, Mental Health and Relationship

By Anonymous September 25, 2011 - 8:19pm
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My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 years now. Like most, we've had our ups and down, but in the past 6 months, we just haven't been the same. It began at the end of my last semester when I decided I needed to leave college for a while. I had been unhappy about being there and needed a break. Since, he's gone back and forth on supporting me, being incredibly angry at me, and being very sympathetic. I know it threw him a curveball in life, but I didn't think it would affect him that negatively. Our sex and talking varies on his mood: if he's upset, we won't have sex until he's out of his "funk," and when he's happy, he wants sex nonstop. This week has been the worst as he is not happy with me "just working and doing chores." He's upset with his job, the city we live in, and me not being in school. Today we tried to talk about it again and he said that he didn't want to touch me because it didn't feel the same, and he left for work angry and hasn't said anything since.

I'm not sure where to go from here. Do we continue to work things out or should I do something I'm utterly unprepared for and move on? I can't keep being on this rollercoaster, but it would be easier if I knew this was normal in long term relationships.

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EmpowHER Guest

Are you in a position to support yourself? May be he needs better position and salary and a good environment to live with and your being out of collage is also might be the problem.

Good financial condition is very important. If you do not finish your schooling then finish up school. Start a better job than the current one if you work too. Find out what upsets him at work or people. Ask his future plans where he wants to be and what he wants. If you want this relation adjust with him and help him come out of the inconsistent position. Support him financially and make him happy.

October 4, 2011 - 8:09am

Hi Anon,

You didn't mention this but based on what you've said your boyfriend and you are living together, correct? If that's the case, then did you talk to him about leaving college on your last semester? Perhaps he feels like all of the financial burden has been on him for a while and now that you won't be finishing school this semester it's going to continue until you decide to go back.

Don't get me wrong, I think he is going about this the wrong way-- being mad and almost throwing adult tantrums when he goes through his funks is not the way to solve this but it's clear that something's up.

You, being an adult, need to sit him down and explain why you left on your last semester. Then reassure him that you will be going back next semester, finishing, and then helping him with financial responsibilities. I understand that you needed a break, I felt that way many times during nursing school, but when the burden is placed on someone else and you share your life with this person, you MUST take their feelings into consideration.

Talk with him, get it all out in the open, and keep us posted,


September 26, 2011 - 4:26am
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