I have been in a relationship and living together for about 6 years. We have a son together, age 5, and I have a daughter from a previous relationship, age 8. I have emotionally shut down and been this way for a while. I'm sort of indifferent with all things pertaining to him. It's really frustrating when you don't know how you feel and you can't make a final decision about anything.
He has a daughter from a previous marriage that he pays a lot of child support for so he doesn't bring home very much to help out with bills. Every once in a while he will pay 1 small bill or another, but most of the time he uses the money for things he wants/needs. But somehow he manages to save money from time to time, but will then ask to "borrow" money from me for something stupid. I say "borrow" because I have NEVER seen any of this money back. If I don't give it to him (which I have recently started doing), he gets EXTREMELY irritable and mean.
The main reason I am torn over this relationship is because we have a boy together. If we were to break up, he would move back to his home town (over 500 miles away) and my son would not have the relationship with him that he does today. But, my kids often tell me that he is mean and I have witnessed this myself as well.
I don't want to sound like he is a terrible person because he definitely can be nice to me and the kids. And we know each other soo well, it's scary. But he has a lot of financial debt and I don't see him getting out of it for a very long time, if at all. I would never marry him without him taking care of that stuff first. So, I often feel like I'm wasting time staying with him.
My biggest fear is that one day, I will wake up and be 50 and in the same position I am now. Any advice?