Should I move out?

By Anonymous April 20, 2013 - 9:37am

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I'm sorry I dont' know where this goes but I need some advice. Currently I live at home (23 yo) because I am in a professional program with high tutition cost. My parents have always been supportive of me only if it's something they agree with (like my school). They never allowed me to have a job because "education comes first," but often holds that over my head when they disagree with something. They always put me down (calls me names and shames me on a daily basis) and my friends down. I clean for them and do all the housechores. I jump when they say jump bascially.

Right now it's worse because I for once did something that I wanted to do. I dated a guy that they disagreed with due to superficial reasons. He's from a poor area, broken home, going into a career they deem useless (counseling), many illnesses run in his family and he's Asain. I understand their anger in the sense that I hid this relationship from them for 9 months, but I have a feeling that if this was anyone from my school (pharmacy) they wouldn't have reacted in the following way: total isolation (no TV, phone, internet, facebook (I am currently on a school library) or anything electronic), constant shaming, I am not to see him anymore, nor my friends because I shamed my parents for letting htem know but not them, and they have to monitor my internet and phone calls at all times.

I feel that this is extreme and I can't deal with this anymore. I want to move out but I am afraid. I don't know if I can survive on my own. I don't know what would happen to my sister if I leave. There's so many uncertainties that I have chest pains from it.

Would moving out be the best option? I feel sitting down and talking about this will not solve anything only further their anger into conflict. Please help.

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Anonymous

Hi anon,
First of all, you are a 23 year old woman. It sounds as though it is time to embrace your adulthood and do what's best for you and make your own decisions without being micro managed and shamed by your parents. It is quite normal for parents to treat their children like young kids if you are under the same roof. I am sad. to hear that they did not encourage you to work because that is a healthy way for young adults to gain more independence and confidence in yourself. It is always scary to move out but know that you are more capable than you think. I grew up in a dysfunctional home and moving out was the healthiest thing I have ever done. Make sure you have supports in place (student loan, part time job, friends to support you and help you move). Your parents will most likely fight you tooth and nail on your decision, because they know they would not be able to control you any more. You can do it! Live your life! Be empowered!

April 21, 2013 - 8:52am

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Anonymous

Hi Anon,

Welcome to EmpowHER. This is a very difficult situation. But am sure, even if it sounds like they are being mean. They are trying to make things better for you and helping you in having a better future. You might want to seek help from a counselor or psychotherapist. I think that will help you and your family, get through this difficult moment.

Best,

Daisy

April 20, 2013 - 5:07pm