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Unsatisfied with boyfriend (sexually, etc.) but don't want to leave him

By Anonymous May 25, 2012 - 11:06pm
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I'm unhappy and unsatisfied in my relationship and not sure what to do about it. Been with this bf for 3 years, we were engaged at one point but I called it off because I'm unhappy with how "dirty" he lives(messy home lifestyle). He trys really hard to make me happy but it always ends up never being enough. I've lived alone before and thoroughly enjoyed having a clean home, having things put away where they belong so they can be found, knowing things aren't going to just disappear) I can't even have nice dishes anymore because he destroys things. He doesn't pay attention to detail and I feel I'm giving up the life I want to have to be with him. I've never wanted to just leave him because he is a very sweet guy, no one I've dated has loved me as much as he does, or would put up with me as much as he does and do things for me but I'm still not happy with his ingrained behaviors. Lately, I've been very sexually unsatisfied. He doesn't even seem to know what foreplay is and he is not "new" to sex. We communicate all the time. I constantly tell him what things I don't like and he will try to do better but in the end he always resorts to his old ways. I don't want to lose a good guy but sometimes I feel like he's holding me back (various complex issues involving monthly budget, schooling,citizenship) I feel like I wont be happy just going out and finding someone else because I care for him, I love him, and I just wish he fit into my life better. I feel torn.

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EmpowHER Guest

Try positive instead of negative reinforcement. He may be more motivated. He won't be motivates if he feels disapopointing to you.

May 1, 2016 - 11:16pm
EmpowHER Guest

Don't choose him over yourself and your happiness anymore. A man that is not willing to change now is not going to change later. Look why not shock some sense into him. Let him know that if this is how it is, that you aren't going to wait forever and you'll just have to end it. Let him know a forever with him is not possible unless, he gets his shit together and start doing something about it! I know what you are going through because I am going through the same exact thing (not the cleaning thing though). My bf tells me he can provide for me sexually only once a week and if I want him I have to work to turn him on. Honestly just do what makes you happy!

April 6, 2016 - 3:34pm
EmpowHER Guest

He's being selfish and taking advantage of you full stop. I bet your sex was great in the beginning and now the honey moon period is over. You know why...because he's courted you..had you and got you..now you are left doing all the work to keep him alive in your sexual relationship. I say think like a man and give him his own treatment back. Do it condidentally and with class. Good luck:)

July 15, 2015 - 2:59am
EmpowHER Guest

dont go for any suggestion, tell him straight & consult with the doctor.
its an art & a mind game. engaged in a foreplay more before & after sex.
sex is very necessary in my concern after food.

March 2, 2015 - 7:35am

I'm having the same problem. Well. Hes not dirty. But sec is getting boring. Maybe buy a toy for yourself and he will feel like less of a man. Tell him that you need it cuz you're not having sec the way you want. He will change;)

June 28, 2014 - 8:24pm
EmpowHER Guest

You need to leave this guy. If the two of you are this incompatible, then I don't think the relationship has a future. You will however find someone else that you are more compatible with, who will also love you. I think that one must have love in order for a relationship to work, but compatibility matters far more.

August 18, 2012 - 10:49am
EmpowHER Guest

Hi Anonymous,

Thank you for your question and welcome to Empowher. Relationships are never perfect and when you realize that you love this man, you can adjust for the things you feel like your lacking to all the other great things. Being alone or thinking the grass is greener on the other side, is never the right answer to relationships. Rather, hard work, communication and trying to make things work or try to find some other sort of outlet may be better. I hope this helps and good luck.


May 26, 2012 - 10:14am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

I do realize I love him, that's why we still live together even though I broke off the enagement and we still live together with all of our other relationship issues pending. I just really feel like I shouldn't have to just "adjust to the things I feel I'm lacking." I stay with him because of the great things, now the things that are lacking need to be worked on, otherwise it will always remain an unhappy relationship, and in the end I will feel a big waste of time! We fight about the same things over and over and go through the same patterns of him trying harder/cleaning up, but it always resorts back to the way it was originally and I feel he is just letting me down on his end. There is no real change happening but I am unsure of how to coax him into maturing and changing. How to get him to take responsibility in this relationship to work with me instead me always feeling like I'm his mother trying to teach him.

May 26, 2012 - 11:25am

try being patient with him and i think u guys need to sit and talk....like really talk.

May 26, 2012 - 12:59am
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