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What can I do since my boyfriend admitted he's less attracted to me than before?

By November 17, 2009 - 2:47am
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I have been dating this guy for years now. He's a great guy and we get along so well and do lots together since we have much in common.

After a year and a half or so, our sex life started to suffer. Determined to fix things, I recently asked again what was the problem. He begrudgingly told me that he was less attracted to me now

I was mortified and hurt beyond belief. It's always been a touchy spot for me and he knows that.

I never thought this would be an issue, given he'd dated women much larger than me, though those relationships didn't work out well. Plus, the shocker was that I haven't gained since putting the initial weight back on 3 years ago. I still wear some clothes from high school! The difference in the past year is that he's lost weight and I've stayed roughly the same.

I want to loose weight, but on my own terms and in a way that I know it will stay off. I don't feel I should have to change myself, because I'm not that fat and like having curves. He's not asked me to loose weight. He says he doesn't want to break up and that he still loves me. But then why bring it up to begin with?

I keep thinking, "what if i have kids and gain weight?", which he says wouldn't be a factor because I'd be mother to his kids. But how can I trust that? It's easy to say now. It's like the trust is gone.

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Thanks for posting.

I think you said it yourself-- if he has a problem with your extra pounds now, what will it be like in the future? Unfortunately, MANY men are so shallow to the point where a few extra pounds will just turn them off. Men have the uncanny ability to judge a woman on their face, shape, and size without recognizing that they are not anywhere near perfection and that we still love them. They are visual creatures and we are emotional ones.

I don't mean to sound harsh but I have to say that you will most likely never be 100% happy in this relationship. If you stay, you will continuously worry about your weight and if you lose it you will resent him for not loving you as you come. If you don't lose the weight, chances are he will either stray from the relationship or he will simply get tired one day and leave. Is this what you want? He says he loves you but has already opened a huge can of worms by admitting he no longer feels attracted to you based on a few extra pounds. The decision is yours right now. It has been 3 years which is a significant amount of time but ending a 3 year relationship is much easier than ending a 10 year relationship even if it does not seem so at the time.

Good Luck

November 17, 2009 - 7:04am
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