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What do I do? :(

By September 18, 2010 - 12:53pm
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As you can see from my previous questions and comments, my relationship isn't right. He isn't 'the one' , we have nothing in common,we argue,he annoys me,i annoy him, we fight, we split up, we cry then get back together and inbetween those bad times we really love each other.But he's saying that his feelings aren't as strong anymore and I am convinced that even though I love him alot, mine aren't as strong as they used to be. We know we shouldn't be together so why do we find it so hard to break away for good? Why is it,that the main thing that comes to my mind when I picture us apart is him oneday finding another girl, loving her ,looking at the her,kissing her etc the way he used to with me?Why do I torture myself with these images..they kill me and I am sure if we split up for good..the way I am quite obsessive and self destructive,I will want to follow him, check up on him etc...:( and I know I will get depressed,possibly go back to self harming, drinking more, attempt overdoses.I feel like I couldnt go through the pain of splitting up with him..I feel like I will never find the man who will love me for everything I am and therefore we will be able to stay together.

I am lost,hurt and confused.I am 23..this is my first real relationship,its been three years :(

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It is tough breaking up or losing someone, whether you are 13, 23, 33 or 93. One thing I can say is that you will have a difficult time finding a healthy, long-term relationship--that person who will "love me for everything I am"--if you do not love yourself first. It is cliche, I know, but women (and men) need to have a strong foundation in themselves. Know who they are, what they like, what they enjoy.

If you do not feel complete without another person, it means you are not ready for that other person.

Being so scared to be alone that you will harm yourself leaves no room for a healthy relationship, because your entire BEING is wrapped up in that one person. If that person is not "the one", or is abusive, your entire self is dependent on that person to be who you think you are. Even if that person IS "the one", it can wreak havoc on an otherwise healthy relationship to be dependent and fearful of being alone (to such an unhealthy extent as to harm yourself or threaten to). That is not mature, healthy or long-term independent living and loving.

If you would like to learn how to be happy, independent, self-assured and really enjoy spending time with yourself, you may find it helpful to seek professional counseling. I strongly urge you to talk to a psychologist, as self harm is a condition that can be treated.

You are not allowing this current relationship to have a natural ending because you are desperately holding onto it; holding onto yourself for fear of the unknown. This is not the road to a happy and fulfilling life, to hold onto something so tight you squeeze the life out of it for fear of it leaving, and you really don't want it in the first place!

Be brave, be strong...trust that there is happiness in your future....and seek professional help so that you are able to find happiness within yourself. When you do, others will see this happiness and fulfillment to...and THAT can lead to a very happy, independent and strong relationship! :-)

September 19, 2010 - 5:37pm
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