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What does it mean if my boyfriend doesn't find me sexually attractive anymore?

By Anonymous August 22, 2016 - 2:51pm
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I am 20 and I have been dating a 25 year old, hard working guy for 11 months now. Our sex life was good at first, but these past few months, we haven't been having sex very often. Maybe once or twice a month. I want him all the time and I tell him that. He recently told me that he just doesn't find me sexually attractive anymore. He loves me and he thinks I am beautiful, but he says he is "too comfortable with me" that he doesn't want me. He has stayed with me this long because he kept waiting for it to come back and maybe it was just a stage, but it hasn't. He watches porn and does it himself, but he tells me that he never has thought about being with anyone else. And I trust him. He is frustrated and doesn't understand why he feels this way about me because he wants us to work out, and I do too. He is talking about breaking up with me because of this problem we are having. Someone please help me figure out why this is happening. I don't know if this means we aren't suppose to be together, or if it should come back to him and we can stay together. We both thought that we would be together forever. Please help, thank you!

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Hi everyone, I am ,like many of you, having the same problem. I been dating my bf for almost 3 years. I have always been self conscious about my body,but a year ago I gained 60 lbs. *in tears* I don't feel like a women anymore.
I have to always start the intercourse with my bf. I have tried everything. From lingerie to forplay and it always seems like to him it's a chores to have Sec with me. Sometimes he falls asleep in the middle of it. I have talked to him about it and he swears that is not me. But today I tried it again starting intercourse I only want him and it's obvious. I put so much effort in trying to seduce him and he just kissed me in the cheeck and put his boxers back on. After today I am sure it's me. I honestly can't do this anymore I feel like I am worthless embarrassed. I don't feel sexy anymore I gained weight because I don't feel the need to try anymore. Someone please help me!

October 26, 2016 - 11:58am

It surprises me how many women experience this issue with their boyfriends. I thought I was alone in the world and blamed myself, even though I've been told I'm attractive by several men. I love this man more than life and we get along great; says I'm beautiful and he loves me. He's very supportive, funny, and kind. But he'd rather watch porn or sex chat with other women than have sex with me. It tears me apart daily. I do everything and I mean everything to try to get his attention and keep him interested, but I know that it's a losing battle. I think about leaving him all the time, cry myself to sleep frequently....I just love him so much and I don't want to lose him. It's sounds weak and pathetic, I know.

So anyway, I can understand what you are going through. You aren't alone. :)

August 25, 2016 - 1:29pm

Hi Anon,

Thank you for reaching out to EmpowHER and for sharing your question with our community!

To begin, remember that you are not alone with this! So many women around the world face the same issue in their relationships. If you truly care about your relationship and want to make it work out, try and find the root of the issue.

Did you notice anything specifically in your relationship or in your significant other around the time your sex life decreased?

That's good you and your boyfriend have been talking about this. It's important to be open and honest with one another. Some other questions to consider:

1. Have you two talked about what your ideal relationship is, in regards to being physically intimate (in other ways other than intercourse, but it also includes intercourse)? How does he like to show his affection physically? How do you?

2. Regarding sex/intercourse: What is his opinion on his sexual relationship with you? Does he want to have sex more often in his intimate relationships, with you? If so, what is holding him back from making this a realty? What does he need from you?

Those are just a few questions to consider and to ask your boyfriend to further the conversation. I also recommend you check out this article by one of our experts on EmpowHER: https://www.empowher.com/sex-amp-relationships/content/why-doesn-t-he-want-have-sex-me?page=0,0

Please keep us updated on the scenario and we wish you the best of luck.


August 22, 2016 - 4:02pm
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