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Whats wrong with me???

By April 14, 2009 - 7:11pm
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i'm 20 (nearly 21), myself and my partner have been together for nearly 6 years, the issue i am having is that recently i haven't enjoyed sex as much as i did before, including not orgasming. i never had a problem with 'coming' its just the last couple of months the sex doesnt feel as enjoyable. i'm madly in love with him and think he's gorgeous but i can't help thinking that either hes not into me, i'm doing something wrong, or maybe its me thats got a problem.

i'm on the micro 30 morning pill but have been on that for 7 years, so don't think that could be the issue.

i've tried hard to spice up our sex life in the past, and things seemed to have improved, but now its back to been 'bad' in comparison to what it normally is.

I do have some self confidence issues with my weight etc, maybe this is the problem? please can someone help, i don't want too lose him and he gets so upset when we've had sex and he doesnt think i've enjoyed it because i didn't come.

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thank you alysiak and michelle for you replies.
its good to know people want to help :) and also that its not an uncommon problem. i think i may be puttin pressure on myself, and also that my self confidence issues may be getting in the way. i will try your suggestiions and see how things go, if theres no improvement, i'll be back lol. thank you for your time xx

April 15, 2009 - 4:42am
Expert HERWriter

Dear Jodie,

Thank you so much for visiting the website and for sharing your question with us. I think what you are experiencing right now is very common. Sometimes sex goes really well for us and sometimes life gets in the way and it's not as good as what we would like.

I agree with alysiak that it sounds like you are stressed right now, and that can certainly impact your ability to reach orgasm. You mentioned too that you are not happy with your weight right now. Lord knows that if we are feeling a bit self-conscious about our bodies, it can really get more noticeable when we are being intimate and all of our clothes are off!

I do have to say though Jodie, it sounds to me like your boyfriend is very very happy with your body just the way it is! It sounds like you are having sex fairly regularly and that he is tuned into your needs, which is great!

I think what I would suggest for you is to find a way to take some of the pressure off in the bedroom for a bit. Rather than spicing things up, maybe you need to kind of slow things down for awhile. In other words, have some times where sexual intercourse is not the end result of every physical encounter. That might help take the pressure off a bit that you are putting on yourself. You might also go into the sexual encounter with the attitude of "it's going to be fun in some way for sure, and if I have an orgasm great, but if not, no biggie!" I think if you can try not to worry about it it will happen again before you know it.

Not knowing what you look like, I hesitate to advise you to lose weight, but if you are truly unhappy with your weight right now maybe you can try taking some small and healthy steps towards weight loss, like maybe walking for 20 minutes a few times a week.

Please post again and let us know how you are doing. I really do think that we are always our own harshest critics, and I think once you get your mental groove back, you'll get your other groove back too. Big hugs to you, Michelle

April 14, 2009 - 11:07pm

Hi, Jodie:

There's nothing "wrong" with you, but you certainly seem to be dealing with a lot of anxiety. Communication between you and your partner is the key to a healthy sexual relationship.

You also need to be kinder to yourself. Do something just for you that makes you feel good about yourself. Whether that's getting a new haircut or replacing your old underwear (really, sometimes that can be fun), just do something fun and new for yourself. When you feel good about the way you look, it will carry over into your relationship.

Hope this helps.

April 14, 2009 - 9:21pm
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