Facebook Pixel
EmpowHER Guest

Why can't I orgasm?! I've read much on the subject and still am having problems ...

By Anonymous July 29, 2009 - 3:44am
Rate This

I have been married for two months now and was a virgin up until my marriage. I have a high sex drive and so does my husband, and we have sex whenever we can. But strangely I cannot orgasm. I have read much on the topic and know "how" to have one, but can't figure out the problem. I have had a few vaginal problems as I had a IUD put in a several weeks before we got married. This has caused cramping and spotting, but has gotten better lately.
I also had a yeast infection a few days before the wedding and then it came back on my honeymoon! it lasted almost a week then and was very frustrating; we didn't have sex then as it was very painful. I had never had a yeast infection, but I believe the reason for it was that I had been very sick about a month and half before and been on several antibiotics.

Anyway, I also experience some slight pain during sex, usually just during insertion. After a few minutes it goes away. I don't always have the pain tho.
Sex can be unenjoyable as well at times. Even tho I have a very high sex drive, we'll have sex and then I don't enjoy it. Sometimes I'm too sensitive and other times I'm not feeling much of anything! Then the few times I enjoy it, usually he comes too soon! and I don't get much clitoral stimulation during insertion, even tho we've tried several positions ...
Is this because I became sexually active only recently? I'm only 21 and having an orgasm would greatly help relieve the sexual tension. Please help me - I don't know who to ask!
Thanks so much!

Add a Comment7 Comments

EmpowHER Guest

I got married about a month and a half ago and before the marriage my now husband had little to no sex drive and somehow recently found it last week and we have sex all the time. I have always been one of'those girls' that can.orgasm ALL the time but since my husband has been very interested I cannot climax at all. Not even with toys or masturbation.

July 23, 2012 - 5:53pm
(reply to Anonymous)

Hi Anon,

Is it possible that now that you are getting it ALL the time it's harder because it is occurring so frequently? Are you feeling pressured to orgasm? or overthinking it?


July 24, 2012 - 8:43am
EmpowHER Guest

i too had an iud b4 having my daughter,i can only achieve orgasm by masturbation during sex or alone it matters not just as long as u get desired result-keep playin u'll get there

October 20, 2009 - 3:35am
EmpowHER Guest

I agree with rosa!! But, I think your story doesn't add up I have NEVER heard of anyone having an IUD without a child or having sex I'm a Doctor!!!For the record I've never had an orgasm. It will take a vampire to suck my blood sezxually to believe I'll ever have one medically speaking! Good luck

August 12, 2009 - 10:32pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

Well I do have an IUD and no kids! And 4 1/2 months of marriage later and still no orgasm ... the effects of the IUD are slowly wearing off (I've had it for about 5 1/2 months) ... but my doc told me it was fine, just might be a little more painful without having children ...
And Rosa, you have good advice ... I have never really masturbated ... and it's hard because my husband and I have a business online and so we are together almost all the time! That makes masturbating a little hard ...

October 7, 2009 - 6:24am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

Being with your husband shouldn't hinder masturbation. Chances are, he'll think it's a little hot. :3

October 7, 2009 - 7:15am

Dear Anon,

Not having the ability to orgasm is actually not that strange. Some women have the inability to orgasm at all--Some can only orgasm during penetration, others through oral stimulation.

For someone with little sexual experience, masturbating can sometimes help. Through masturbation, many women can pin-point exactly what they like and what they don't like. When you're having sex, make sure you guide your partner as well-- if it doesn't feel good tell him, "try this", "harder", "gentler", etc. Don't tell him "I don't like that" -- be sensitive to his feelings while guiding him to give you pleasure.

Another suggestion are toys. Have you used them? Many people use toys during sex not to replace their partners but to add to the pleasure and excitement of sex, which can also cause orgasm. I would start with one, perhaps something that stimulates your clitoris and then take it from there. But be careful, sometimes when toys are used too frequently, it's the only way the woman will be able to orgasm.

Lastly, most women cannot achieve orgasm through penetration alone because of the little clitoral stimulation. Most women will achieve orgasm through oral sex (also guide your partner here if necessary) or a good combination of both.

The three sex positions that provide the most clitoral stimulation are:
Doggy Style: when he comes from behind you and enters you
Woman on top (or Cowgirl position): you sit on top of him, controlling movement and this gives you the ability to find your clitoris
Reverse cowgirl: same as cowgirl but face away from your partner

The more you experiment with your body, the more you will find it pleasurable and perhaps find the way(s) that YOU can reach orgasm. Every woman is different and what may work for me may not work for you, and so on.

Good Luck and have fun!

July 29, 2009 - 5:34am
Enter the characters shown in the image.
By submitting this form, you agree to EmpowHER's terms of service and privacy policy
Add a Comment

All user-generated information on this site is the opinion of its author only and is not a substitute for medical advice or treatment for any medical conditions. Members and guests are responsible for their own posts and the potential consequences of those posts detailed in our Terms of Service.

Female Sexual Dysfunction

Get Email Updates

Female Sexual Dysfunction Guide

HERWriter Guide

Have a question? We're here to help. Ask the Community.


Health Newsletter

Receive the latest and greatest in women's health and wellness from EmpowHER - for free!