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Why does my boyfriend refuse to speak to me after our argument, and what can I do to make things right again?

By October 8, 2009 - 12:02am
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My boyfriend has been a real gem lately. We have had our share of ups and downs, but he's been really nice and thoughtful for the most part. A little background... my b-f has a huge problem discussing his past relationships. He always says he has never had another g-f before me, although I know of at least 2 girls that he has gone out with fairly seriously. I know this b-c I have found pictures of him with these other 2 girls, both of whom have children. I was previously married and have children as well. My ex and I share custody, but the b-f and I have lived together for over 2 years (his home that I moved into). In my boyfriend's telephone, he still has the number of the one girl with whom he went out with. He has changed phones (but not the #) a few times in the last year or so. Everytime he changes his phone, I have noticed this one girl always gets put into the new one. Anyway, this evening after my b-f had been Mr. Wonderful, I was cleaning out under the kitchen sink and found an old shopping bag to a ladies specialty store. It kind of bothered me b-c it wasnt mine. So like an idiot I brought it up. He said he didn't know whose it was but it wasn't his, and that he has never bought anyone anything from there except me. Well I knew it was a lie so I pressed on. He told me he didn't want to talk about it and that I was the one who moved in, and if he had moved in w/me that I would prob have items or pictures of people that I had dated too. I guess I have a problem with him having pictures of old g-f's and definitely having their phone number in his phone. So it became very heated, and he told me that I needed to shut up about it, that he wasn't listening. I then told him to call this girl he had in his phone and see what she's up to. He then told me to f-off and went into the other room and shut the door. I left for awhile (2 hours) to calm down. Of course he refused to come to bed. I apologized when I got home, and he said to leave him alone. So he is sleeping in the other room, totally refusing to speak to me. It has been 7 hours since our argument, and I can't sleep. I just want things to be right again. I feel like a jerk for ever bringing it up, as things have been going really good. It's just the issue with this phone number that has really been bothering me. Any advice on how to make it right?

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EmpowHER Guest

well i hve a man older than me who has a 2 year old son with another woman im insecure i dont trust anything he say and im always upset when he' s around her not the baby its been a year an she havent moved on he was ove there seeing his son at 9 30pm stayed for an hour but answered the phone everytime i called i heard no baby but he said he was talking to her he comes home veryday at 11pm or 12am but im always wrong for speaking my opinion what do i do than he say he dont g see his son because of me

April 7, 2011 - 5:15am
(reply to Anonymous)

Hi Anonymous,

Your situation is different-- he shares a two year old son with his ex. You should understand is that his ex will always be a part of his life- and a part of yours if you truly want to be with this man. I'm not quite sure why he is coming home at midnight but I see that you're put in a difficult situation since I'm sure you're thinking "his son is probably sleeping, why is he still there?" Am I correct?
People that share a child will almost always have something to talk about-- mainly their child.

One thing I can tell you, having a step-daughter of my own, is not to get between the relationship of a father and child. If he's doing something behind your back it will soon surface but him resenting you for not seeing his son because of you is not something you want to have thrown on you.

How long have you two been together? You should answer some questions for yourself-- to see if being with him is really what you want: Do you trust him? Has he given you reason not to? Do you love or care for his son? And where do you see your relationship going?

Hope answering these will give you better insight on your relationship.

April 7, 2011 - 6:27am


May I ask why you feel like a jerk? It's been 2 years since you've moved in and he expects you to believe that the ladies specialty bag has been there longer than that and that NOW you come to see it? Hm, his defensive behavior makes me wonder. A man who has never done anything wrong would simply explain where the bag came from-- it's really not that hard. Throwing the blame on you is the classic game men play to "flip the script" and he has obviously succeeded because he's got you calling yourself a jerk and apologizing when he should be the one doing so.

Unless he has a child with this ex girlfriend, her number should not be in his phone. Period. End of discussion.

October 8, 2009 - 5:44am
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