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Why is my boyfriend so selfish?

By Anonymous August 18, 2011 - 6:38am
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My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years. For the past 2.5, he's been sneaking porn in the house, hiding it in weird places, even though he has it on his (precious) phone also. No matter what I say or do, he masturbates daily, meanwhile ignoring my needs for weeks. When we have sex, I'm lucky if I get little more than just shoving it in. Meanwhile, he expects oral and all sorts of fun things. Needless to say, I can't get off. I understand all men look, especially if they happen to have it pocket sized and constantly on them. And he acts very sweet, brings me flowers, chocolates, invites me to the movies, etc. But after some snooping,(yes, I honestly feel like I have to at this point) I realize that he does this after, JUST after looking at all sorts of porn. Like immediately after the porn was movie times and sh*t on his history. He also does this really weird thing where he masturbates next to me in the morning while I'm sleeping. I've told him not to hesitate to wake me up, but it seems like he likes the 'thrill' of it? I'm beginning to think all men do this, and if that's the case, I'm switching teams. Is he being normal? And am I being "Crazy" for wanting sex, intimate, passionate, attentive sex with my partner? Am I "crazy" for being hurt? Feeling like he's choosing porn? Sometimes when I come home from work the bedroom door will be closed and locked. Guess what he's up to. Or, there's a mess in the sheets for me. And no sex later. I just don't understand.I haven't put on weight, I haven't stoped doing anything. I try to look good for him, hair make up etc. And like I've said, this has been going on for a long time. I've tried talking, tried sexing it up, (and there's not much I won't do in and out of bed anyway) tried bi*ching, tried ignoring it, I've exhausted every option. I just don't get it. You can't just STOP touching your wiener and looking at nudes, if only to please the girl who gives you everything? The person you say you love? If you have to sneak around to do it, don't f**king do it. Isn't it that simple?

He won't talk about it, and certainly won't stop or change it.
Any Ideas? I'm not going to stay with him forever for flowers and chocolates. I'd rather have sex. Help? I'm ready to leave him.

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hey anonymous, first off i think your a very strong person. I have so many friends that have issues with their men and simply wont do anything about it! I commend you for trying to talk to him and get your point across. But like others commented i also think he might be addicted to porn. I think you have already realized that. If he really wanted to make it work he would seek help, real help. And he shouldn't call you sneaky. Good for you for making the tough decision to leave. Your so right. See if any other woman will put up with his antics. If i have a problem with my partner i defiantly will not hesitate to tell him. Good luck on your new life!

August 23, 2011 - 4:09pm
EmpowHER Guest

Anonymous (reply to Susan Cody)
Thank you so much for validating my feelings. I do love him, but I was fine without him. Especially if he's making things worse. I really appreciate the advice. What would be a good way to get him to realize it's HIM that has the problem, HIM that's being selfish and sneaky, HIS deal? Because as of now, if I bring it up, I'm crazy. I'm sneaky. I'm selfish. I don't know how to do this, because I've tried before, either by complaining, trying to talk it out, (many times) ignoring it...to no avail.


PS Sorry, I'm not very computer savvy, I wasn't sure if the first one went through.

August 18, 2011 - 8:39am
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