I do not usually write on this topic, although I feel strongly about it.
Yesterday, a friend of my family, a young woman in her 20s, was beaten with a baseball bat by her ex-boyfriend. She is in the ICU with terrible injuries. We don't know if she will survive. Someone else was there, heard the attack, got the bat and beat the attacker who is also in the ICU. That means three young lives have been irrevocably changed, and two of them may end. I don't know what will happen to the third person. Will he go to prison?
We are too accepting of violence and aggression in the U.S. We put "domestic" violence in a separate category as if it is somehow less heinous than stranger on stranger violence. We need to stop tolerating violence, domestic or otherwise.
If you suspect abuse in a household, report it. Let the authorities sort it out. Help the abused person. Donate to the local women's shelter. Call the Department of Child Protection or Senior Services when you suspect child or elder abuse. Do not look the other way. Support projects like ViolenceUnsilenced.com, where people can speak out and educate others.
There is nothing domestic about violence. We need to stop turning a blind eye and do something to stop it.
All user-generated information on this site is the opinion of its author only and is not a substitute for medical advice or treatment for any medical conditions. Members and guests are responsible for their own posts and the potential consequences of those posts detailed in our Terms of Service.
Add a Comment9 Comments
"If you suspect abuse in a household, report it. Let the authorities sort it out."
I couldn't disagree MORE! Just because you suspect abuse doesn't give you the right to interfere! Every state has a mandatory arrest law or policy. In other words SOMEONE MUST BE ARRESTED when "domestic violence" is reported. Once that ball is rolling, victims advocates organizations get involved. These organizations are supposed to come alongside women who've been "abused," to help them. However, these organization are funded by the government and their sole existence depends on women accusing men. So, get involved they DO. They vigorously work to prosecute EVERY SINGLE CASE, regardless of validity. They coach women to come up with believable stories helping them to embellish and they tell them that they are being brave and protecting other women by doing this. They order that security from the sheriff's office be beefed up in court cases, and that the accused be chained up if he is already in custody. Then send in large numbers of advocates to sit beside the so-called victim. They give judges report cards as to how they are performing when it comes to DV cases. NO PROOF IS REQUIRED for conviction anymore. Heresay from the "victim" has now become all the proof needed. All anyone has to do is accuse. And the "authorities" take it from there. Less than 1% of the falsely accused are acquitted.
I personally know a dozen men who's lives have been utterly destroyed by women who used false domestic violence charges to seek revenge or control or independence or money Here is an example: http://current.com/community/91870358_a-woman-admits-lying-about-domestic-violence-to-jail-her-husband-for-10-months.htm. I know of NO ONE personally who has been abused or killed because of domestic violence. My own fiance languishes in a county jail because of charges relating to false domestic violence accusations! It is how I am so aware of the corruption and destruction caused within our deteriorating justice system.
What happened to this young woman is tragic, but reporting suspected abuse is NOT the answer. In fact, it will only make the state of things worse in this country. If you suspect abuse, you'd better make SURE that you know beyond a doubt that there is actual abuse happening before inviting the government into someone else's bedroom without their consent. And I challenge anyone who reads this to ask around, neighbors, friends, even family about their experience with DV. My guess is that you will find more "victims" from those who are falsely accused than those who are truly being battered.June 30, 2012 - 4:17pm
Thank you for writing about this and for the updates. I am so grateful that your friend is improving. This whole incident was horrifying to read about. Wishing her continued strength and healing.June 9, 2010 - 10:02am
I have an update. Our family friend who was beaten is still in the ICU. She is improving, though. She has multiple skull fractures, and yesterday she had surgery to implant a plate to help one of the fractures stabilize and heal. She has a long road ahead of her, as do her children.June 9, 2010 - 7:02am
Thank you for writing about this Cary and making this tragic situation public. When I worked directly for hospitals I was astounded by the sheer volume of patients, predominantly women, who were treated in the ER for some form of violence. Contrary to stereotypes these individuals were typically from middle and upper income families. Their situations were, of course, protected by privacy laws, and the incidents usually remained hidden, except in cases where the victim died and charges were filed.
As long as people stay silent the violence will continue. I applaud you for speaking up, and hope that your family friend will be able to find a way to somehow rebuild her life.June 7, 2010 - 5:55pm
I am also a victim of abuse, starting as young as age 3 (sexual abuse), as well as verbal and physical abuse throughout my life. I've chosen two abusive husbands, one of which I'm still married to. I can't believe history has repeated itself with me, but after learning more about abuse & patterns, I understand some of the reasons why now. I attend a support group twice a month & I see how my low self-esteem, as well as other emotional problems, have caused me to make bad choices. My first husband was a policeman who physically abused me (holding gun to my head, choking me, etc) until I finally found the strength & courage to divorce him. My present husband has a rageful temper & is very verbally abusive. I've left him before but we are now in marriage counseling now. He's a wonderful and loving man...when he's not rageful. I feel like I should divorce him but we've been married 17 years & I love him very much. His good times outweigh the bad ones. I would have a hard time financially if I moved out. I am only able to work part-time because of RA (Rheumatoid Arthritis) but my family are very supportive & would help out financially.
All comments welcomed.June 7, 2010 - 2:06pm
I too was the victim of abuse as a child, and I married badly in the past. I am very glad you are in counseling, however I know others in counseling with abusive husbands who stay with them. The counselor cannot stop abuse, but you can.
I also have RA and am on disability, so we have a lot in common. In spite of that, this may not be the answer you are looking for. We all have our personal feelings and opinions. I have a zero tolerance for aggressive or abusive behavior in the home. If I felt intimidated or had a raging spouse, I would not stay for one minute, in spite of my precarious financial situation.
Every time you stay through a rage incident, you are exposed to emotional harm, if not physical danger. I refuse to expose myself to any more of that, whether it be from family or anyone else. So in your situation, I would leave.
But we each have to choose what is best for us and our situation, and only you have the answer to what is best for you. I'm so glad you are getting help, and I hope and pray you stay safe.
Thank you so much for sharing. Every woman who shares her story helps others. You've done that.June 8, 2010 - 6:58am
What a story and how many people ended up involved! We wish her a full recovery! I would love to hear an update as to what will happen to all the people involved!June 5, 2010 - 10:54am
I agree that domestic violence may have a blind eye at times. I had to get a protection order against an ex-boyfriend once and I have to admit the legal system was very helpful. I think the largest problem with domestic violence is that the individuals in the situation keep it a secret so the people on the outside have no idea what is going on behind closed doors.
The hardest thing I ever had to do was go in front of a judge and ask for help but I would NEVER take my decision back to finally stop the abuse whether it is physical or emotional. Getting help when in the situation is crucial. You must tell someone that you are in fear and let the legal and support groups take care of the rest.
I think this is a great post and please keep us posted on your friend. My heart goes out to her.June 5, 2010 - 9:23am
Thank you.June 5, 2010 - 10:47am
Alexis has made it and has awakened. She has a long road ahead of her as she suffered a head injury. She has three children as well.