been married for 40 years this aug and the last 20 have been a living hell . Well let start at the beginning before i met my wife she had been abused by her father phy. not sexualy since she was 6 years old till she was 21 she was so scared when she turned 18 she told her parents she was leaving they beat her so bad then they told her that they would put her in jail (THE FATHER WAS A LAWYER) she thought he could so she was also scared to tell anyone because he was the solister of the town they lived in and the attority (police) where afraid of losing there jobs because it was her word against his now advance 20 years we had been married and i protected her we both worked had a home (no kids) but plenty of pets we got along great a few argumants but never came to blows I would never hit my wife or any woman that was the way i was raised my wife had pain ever since i met her and it got even worse as the years went on to the point now where she has makuler degeneration ( she is blind) degenerative disc (she has a hard time walking) c.o.p.d. neropathy and diabetic she is very tall and over weight and very very bitchy all the time to the point of being angry ALL the time so only get out of bed to go to the rest room i have to bath her we are both on disability I am bi-polar i have been taking care (caregiver) for my wife and my involived mother and a friend of the family who has the start of dementa and i was not trained the docter has said if i do not releave the strees i will be dead inside 6 month i have tryed to get my wife into a nursing home for the past year or so but i keep getting people who say the will do what needs to be done and they drop the drop the ball ALL THE TIME the only thing left for me to do and i am at the end of my rope is finaly just leave and let the state deal with her but i have a problem HOW DO I TURN MY BACK EVEN THOUGH IT IS SO SO SO BAD ON 40 YEARS???? HELP I MAY JUST TAKE THE EASY WAY OUT
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Hello Anon
Thank you for writing - it's never a bad thing to get your thoughts out on the screen.
You've had a good marriage for 20 years and a bad marriage for 20. Caregiver stress is very real and you need support. Go online and do a search for caregivers and put in your town or zip code. You can meet with other caregivers who are living lives similar to yours. It's not talked about enough but you are not alone.
As to your wife - she has a lot of conditions she lives with - no wonder she's bitchy! But if she is abusing you verbally, it's not ok, even if she's in pain. You should not have to live with that for the past 20 years or the next 20.
Whether she goes into nursing care is really up to her, you cannot force her. You can also move out and visit daily to help. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks - they don't live your life. It's not ok to desert your wife but a compromise needs to be made.
Best,
February 6, 2020 - 4:42pmSusan
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