Getting ready to marry my dream girl who is chronically ill
I found the woman of my dreams. Im so happy and feel so lucky to have her in my life. She is many debilitating illnesses that she will always have and will get worse over time. I know about how sick she was when I met her but I didn't fully realize what this meant for us. Im 29 and am fully ready to take care of this amazing woman but feel so lost. I never feel like I know how exactly to support her. She knows that I really love her, which is step one, but I don't really know what to do after that. I see how much pain she is in. I really feel for her and am so frusterated that I can't fix the problem. I always feel like I need to take care of her and have a really hard time doing that on days that are hard on me. I feel like I can't be sick anymore because what she us going through is so much worse. I feel guilty because whenever I get sick and tell het she tells me how sick she is. It makes me feel so burnt out.
Another problem that we have is her feeling like I dont take very good care of her. I never want her to feel this way. I need to find more ways I can show her how much I care. I have googled it to death and am trying all I can think of. I really want her to feel safe and warm around me. I really really love her.
Another issue we have is me going out when she is too sick to leave the house. I never go out with friends, just to help others (mostly family) when they need my help. She gets so upset that I'm leaving. She always says I'm not putting her first. I think this is just her being upset that I can physically always leave the house when she can't. I think she is upset that she is loosing her independence. I need to find better ways to communicate that i need to help others sometimes. We still see our friends but not as much as we used to. Im afraid that her illness is going to make me home bound. I know this is really selfish and I completely expect to spend more time at home in the future, but im afraid this will lead to resentment.
The last big problem we have is Im getting burnt out with daily complaining. I feel really bad for her and try to be supportive. She seems to complain about everything every day. I knkw she is cranky and depressed when she in pain. I dont know if there is a way I can be more supportive or if there is a way to ask her not to complain about anything for a little bit.
We are perfect for eachother. I love her more than anything. I would love some advice for us as we are getting started in our lives together. I want a long healthy marrige that is strong through our connection with eachother. I know Im just seeing the beggining of the problems we will face in the future. I would love advice on what I have said and how I should move on to be a stronger partner.