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Getting ready to marry my dream girl who is chronically ill

By October 14, 2016 - 10:18pm

I found the woman of my dreams. Im so happy and feel so lucky to have her in my life. She is many debilitating illnesses that she will always have and will get worse over time. I know about how sick she was when I met her but I didn't fully realize what this meant for us. Im 29 and am fully ready to take care of this amazing woman but feel so lost. I never feel like I know how exactly to support her. She knows that I really love her, which is step one, but I don't really know what to do after that. I see how much pain she is in. I really feel for her and am so frusterated that I can't fix the problem. I always feel like I need to take care of her and have a really hard time doing that on days that are hard on me. I feel like I can't be sick anymore because what she us going through is so much worse. I feel guilty because whenever I get sick and tell het she tells me how sick she is. It makes me feel so burnt out.
Another problem that we have is her feeling like I dont take very good care of her. I never want her to feel this way. I need to find more ways I can show her how much I care. I have googled it to death and am trying all I can think of. I really want her to feel safe and warm around me. I really really love her.
Another issue we have is me going out when she is too sick to leave the house. I never go out with friends, just to help others (mostly family) when they need my help. She gets so upset that I'm leaving. She always says I'm not putting her first. I think this is just her being upset that I can physically always leave the house when she can't. I think she is upset that she is loosing her independence. I need to find better ways to communicate that i need to help others sometimes. We still see our friends but not as much as we used to. Im afraid that her illness is going to make me home bound. I know this is really selfish and I completely expect to spend more time at home in the future, but im afraid this will lead to resentment.
The last big problem we have is Im getting burnt out with daily complaining. I feel really bad for her and try to be supportive. She seems to complain about everything every day. I knkw she is cranky and depressed when she in pain. I dont know if there is a way I can be more supportive or if there is a way to ask her not to complain about anything for a little bit.
We are perfect for eachother. I love her more than anything. I would love some advice for us as we are getting started in our lives together. I want a long healthy marrige that is strong through our connection with eachother. I know Im just seeing the beggining of the problems we will face in the future. I would love advice on what I have said and how I should move on to be a stronger partner.
Thanks! :)

By November 21, 2016 - 10:24pm

I can relate to you in so many ways. I am also 29 and have a chronically Ill gf who is 27. I don't have it all figured out yet and that's why I'm on here too. It's internally tough, because it's like your going through their illness with them, yet you are their strength.. meanwhile finding your own is a battle at times.. relationally wise, I know that opens communication is the key to a lot of problems. Understanding each others points of view and hardships you both face and why. They should understand your needs and that you are two different people, who support each other in life. That's it. We can't make each other happy, but we can support each other to make us better people. You have to do you as much as possible so their is no resentment. It's healthy to do what you desire, and they should be able to understand that. Just love each other through it all, be open, communicate feelings, and how happiness comes from within not from you or me. Be there for one another..
-knowing we rate not alone with our frustrations is somewhat healing emotionally..so thank you for posting!

I don't know how religious or spiritual you are.. but I believe God. Everything I do is for God, not me, not her. Those long damn shifts at work only to come home just to clean, then taking care of her.. anything hard doing, I remind myself that it's for God and it really helps me. Jesus suffered far more than ill ever endure and that's why I try to live for Him. It's still tough, I talk to mother about it often for support..I literally prey every day to help me to be more like Jesus in his ways.
- hope this helped :)

November 21, 2016 - 10:24pm

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