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Wish I was dead

By August 4, 2013 - 2:38am

Wish I was dead so I could pay for things for my husband and 5 young children. They will have a better life than what I can provide for them now. I told him that I was married for money and he agreed.

Husband chronically ill and I cannot see the strength for me to continue living. My life insurance policies are worth more than $2.5 million. they should be financially okay without me. My husband said I am "always complaining". I am not "always complaining." I have a lot of things he said he "cannot" help me with like giving me advice on business or things to do to make money. He cannot keep the house tidy or cook dinner every night. Everywhere we walk, we have to left our foot or move sideways to avoid the things on the floor.

I keep saying I don't make money cleaning after them although I could clean and I do clean and it takes time away from me to work and get paid. I lost 2 jobs this year, I feel unattractive and I do not feel like I have the strength anymore. I want to run away and disappear so they can collect on my life insurance. They can live without me.

By August 4, 2013 - 2:32pm

First, have you given thought to some kind of suicide plan? If so, I strongly encourage you to call a suicide hotline. You are not alone in feeling that ending your life is the answer to everyone's problems. What you are unable to see because of your fatigue is what everyone's life would be like after you are gone. It is unrealistic to think that a large insurance policy will fulfill the role of a mother in your children's lives. With proper support your outlook on your life can improve as if you just put on corrective vision.
Secondly, your husband has been in such an illness role for so long that he has lost sight that you are operating on fumes. Renal failure is a family illness in every aspect and the toll that is takes on the caregiver is debilitating. Are their any members of yours or your husband's family that might be able to give you physical assistance a few hours a week within your home?

August 4, 2013 - 2:32pm
By August 4, 2013 - 2:29pm

your children love you and need you, yes money will make them comfortable but will never give them what they need from you! They need you and I know its hard I am there with you! My family is losing money every month from my business I started up at the same time my husband became unable to work! I know how you feel but money cannot replace you and when your children grow up they would rather have you there then money on the day of their childrens birth or their wedding day or even just to hold them at night and let them know things will be ok and this is going to make us stronger! Wish I could take my own advice....if it were only that easy.

August 4, 2013 - 2:29pm

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