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Celebrating Life After Abuse! Join this Group

Yes, there is life after abuse.

By April 18, 2011 - 4:59am

I was in an abusive marriage for 15 years. I was told if I tried to leave he'd kill me. But when I realized the impact it was having on my children, even though I didn't think he was actually abusing them, it helped give me the courage to leave. After about 13 years and a lot of hard work, I see myself as a thriver, not just a survivor. Three years ago I met a wonderful man who is just the opposite of an abuser. (I was on my own for about 10 years) So yes, there is life after abuse.

By August 12, 2011 - 11:08am

Dear nodrama,
Hang in there. Anything is better than living with your abuser. I know government housing can take quite some time, I don't know what state you are in but here in CA there is a long waiting list. It is faster if you are on disability. That also takes some doing, have you started the process to get your social security? Do you have a lawyer? I have fibromyalgia but I am not on disability right now but I have friends that are. I understand the process goes better with a lawyer on your side. I am 4 years out of my abusive relationship and making ends meet is not always easy but I am so much better off. I meditate and try to live in the present moment. Just know it wasn't your fault and gain strength from that. Take care of yourself.

August 12, 2011 - 11:08am
By August 12, 2011 - 9:54am

thanks for sharing beverly i too was married twice the first wasnt phyiscally abusive the scond was and i left him this past feb after 7months of marriage hell i realize my family is abusive emtionally and i live with them waiting on overnment housing i dont hv friends dont hv supportive faamily but i c u took years after your second marriage to heal how did u do it how did u heal

August 12, 2011 - 9:54am
By August 12, 2011 - 9:50am

thank sheri for sharing i just lefft an abusive marriag of 7hellish months 6months ago i realize i picked someone who was emtional abusive like my family so i thought his behavior was normal i left him and my daughter and i r living with the emtional abusive family memebers waiting for government housing to come through this was my second failed marriage and i see u were alone for ten years what did u do with your time i dont have friends dont have supportive faily and sometims am too sick to even raise my head i wwant a better life i know i have to cut my family out but tell me what did u do i dont work im trying to get social security i feel lonely and hopeless

August 12, 2011 - 9:50am
By August 2, 2011 - 10:17am

Healing is different for everyone but it takes time for us all. What are you doing for yourself? One of the hardest things for me was to forgive myself and do good things for me. I'm not always there but I have an awesome counselor to remind me when I forget. I know it is the believing it part that gets tough. If you don't have a counselor for you and for your children I would look for one. I found so much help in the right direction at my local Women's Resource Center. This is a center for victims or dv, rape and abuse. There is also another site called Pandora's Aquarium that has forums that you can get a lot of support and advice. I think that our healing has been really left to us to take an active role in. Not to sound Halmark or anything but positive thinking does help and so does meditation. I wish you well on your journey with much strength and many blessings. Find a reason to laugh every day!!

August 2, 2011 - 10:17am
By August 2, 2011 - 4:09am

How long have you been away? It took me a very long time to heal, and still, 15 years later there are triggers. There is hope, but I'm happier than I've ever been.

August 2, 2011 - 4:09am
By August 1, 2011 - 11:43pm

I am what many call a survivor from horrific DV from my husband. I got myself and two very small children out alive. After 5 years and nearly loosing my life I was able to get out, testify, and get a 7 yr conviction. To which he served 26 months and was released. I spent more time testifying to each charge then he did time. I had an amazing career, loved life, loved every minute of being a Ma'ma. I hear so much postive about me being strong and brave but I feel completely broken. It takes every once of energy to appear positive. I have completely isolated myself and the kids. It's almost like I'm afraid to live again. Yes, I am a survivor but I feel completely dead inside. Every morning I wake up and pray that i will feel some sense of normal again. It's hard for me to small talk with my girlfriends when the kids and I have been through such horrific years. I hope that this is just part of the healing process and it too shall pass.

August 1, 2011 - 11:43pm
By July 19, 2011 - 2:27pm

I would love to work at the shelter where I am getting my counseling. There is something very empowering about giving back. Right now my work schedule doesn't allow time for me to volunteer at all but I will get there. First they require a class they give and I will be taking that soon. I often see the damage staying in my abusive marriage did to my kids and I feel so guilty. I try to lead them in the direction of getting some help but it is a gentle path one has to go down. Hopefully they will be ready to tread there soon. They are both young adults so I cannot force or even insist strongly that they do go for help but know that they need to deal with it some time. I am finally dealing with mine trauma the right way with the right guidance and so much happier for it. I know that will always be part of who we are but we can and will be stronger and better because of it.

July 19, 2011 - 2:27pm
By July 19, 2011 - 11:38am

I was married twice- the second one was more abusive than the first. After my second divorce I decided to stay single, not date, and spend the next few years rediscovering myself. I also needed to rebuild my relationship with my sons. We all needed to heal. I worked 2 jobs and went back to school. The best thing I did was work for our local domestic abuse shelter. I needed to do something positive with my personal experiences. It was great therapy for me, and I found I was really good at working with other abused women. I took my time rebuilding my life and loving my kids. I finally remarried 11 years later to a wonderful man. My boys love him. But...we are all still healing. I still carry the guilt of what my boys heard & saw all those years ago. I think about it every single day. Not sure if that will ever change.

July 19, 2011 - 11:38am
By May 15, 2011 - 2:29pm

That is wonderful!

May 15, 2011 - 2:29pm
By May 13, 2011 - 8:00pm

A Healing Meditation

I am willing to see the magnificence of
me. I now choose to eliminate from my mind
and life every negative, destructive , fearful
idea and thought that would keep me from
being the magnificent woman that I am
meant to be. I now stand up on my own two
feet and support myself and think for myself.
I give myself what I need. It is safe for me to
grow. The more I fulfill myself, the more people
love me. I join the ranks of women healing
other women I am a blessing to the planet
my future is bright and beautiful.

from Empowering Women by Louise L. Hay

May 13, 2011 - 8:00pm

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I am SURVIVOR of domestic and sexual violence. I chose the word SURVIVOR because I made it and I plan to use my life helping others celebrate life after abuse and help to prevent violence against women and children. This group was created to help survivors celebrate their victories after abuse. Life is to be celebrated and so often we spend our time here on earth reliving the past. Well, this group is not for those of us that want to remain in the past, we are moving forward. So, I invite you to join us as we bring movement to the movement of ending violence against women and children. Feel free to share your big and little victories because they are all VICTORIES! Let's do it!


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