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Wondering if I am too detached

By November 28, 2015 - 10:05am

I am the daughter of a man who had Asperger's syndrome .
He was a great man. He was very different from anyone I have met since. That was a blessing and a curse. He was very cruel to my mother and yet could be so kind. His life revolved around himself. He could be very kind to me if he had decided that he wanted to do what I needed him to do... But it was ALWAYS about him.
My question is, I knew he was dying last year and chose not to be there. I have two children and a husband and we emigrated on the day he died. It just happened that way. The last time I saw him I knew it would be the last and I knew there was no point in emotion. I told him I loved him and told him I will always teach and keep busy doing what I loved ( he was very big on me doing my own thing) and then walked away. He walked away too.
That's it. Goodbye Dad.
How on earth is that supposed to be it?
The thing is it couldn't have been done any other way.
I am usually an emotional person and suffer alone, but I don't share this. Especially not with my mum.
I feel very detached from it all as I feel like I spent all my twenties grieving over not having those parents around that would do the 'grandparent thing'.
Am I a useless daughter. I don't seek fake sentiment but could really do with some honesty.

Thanks for reading

By January 7, 2016 - 12:23am

Hello. I don't think you are useless. I am married to an Asperger and know only too well "the it's all about them." It is lonely and they do not see the emotional stuff the way NTs do. And neither do they need it the way we do. With that in mind, that is exactly how he would have seen it. I know you feel bad because to see someone before they leave us makes sense and is totally appropriate. However in the case of the Asperger, the visit would have only been for your benefit not for his. I hope this helps. Sending you hugs.

January 7, 2016 - 12:23am

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This group aims to bring together experiences of being a child of a parent with Aspergers. I am looking for other people's take on what it is (was) like knowing things were different as a child, but not being really sure what those differences were.




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