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By October 27, 2011 - 10:54am

Hi,
My name is Kortney.

In 2003 I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. It was scary but I worked through it and life went on as normal.
Then... in 2009 I had a wonderful baby girl who is the center of my universe. I ended up with severe post partum depression but with medications and therapy I started to fight my way out of that, then the bottom dropped out again. My baby girl was diagnosed with Cystic Fibrosis.

Zoey is now 2 and doing great but I am not doing so great. At first I focused all of my energy into keeping her healthy along with a full time job. I did not focus any energy into my health. In about March I realized I cannot hold down a full time job and do all of Zoey's treatments and keep myself heathy. I was falling apart trying to balance everything. I decided to take a leave of absense from work and I have until March to decide if I am going to go back or not. Now that I am home the feelings I had with my post partum depression are back even though I am still on my meds. I cry all of the time I sleep when ZOey sleeps and longer, my husband is usually home because he works nights so he watches our daughter while I sleep for 2,3,4 hours during the day. Fatigue is an MS thing. I have a lot of anxiety and meltdowns where I do nothing but cry, and I don't sleep without trazadone. Also in the two years Zoey has been with me I stopped taking care of me. I have gained 50 pounds and I cannot seem to get it off. I try to workout but my MS has been bad and I am dizzy all of the time, and I have no strength in my legs so working out is maybe once or twice a week at best. I just go through the motions of doing all of Zoeys breathing treatments and feeding tubes and everything else. I don't want to be that kind of Mommy. I want to be positive and teach her that she can't feel sorry for herself. But I feel sorry for myself. I feel useless, and scared. I am going back to my doctor next week to look at my meds and change them up. I think the change from a career I loved to staying home threw me for a loop. Plus the stress of deciding if I should go back or not, and money stress. If I do not get on disability I will have to go back and that will make my decision easy, however it does not stop me from being anxious about it.

I want to be a better Mommy, and not sleep all day, and work out and lose the weight, and get my health back. I want to spend quality time with my child other than her treatments. We just stay in the house all day and I know she is bored but I am afraid to leave my house. Last time I did I had to call my husband to come pick me up because MS popped up and I got too dizzy to drive. I just cannot seem to dig myself out of my hole. The more I try the deeper down I go. I am hoping my doctor can stabalize my mood, I cannot wait until I have my appointment.

I really have no question, I just needed to write down my feelings, it helps.

EmpowHER Guest
By Anonymous November 26, 2011 - 3:31pm

Hi Kortney,

Thanks for sharing your story.  You definitely have been through alot and i can understand the reasons for your depression. Having MS and your daughters treatments alone can be very difficult.  But sometimes medication for depression works best with the help of a psychotherapist.  Which they can help you in seeing things differently. 

I have included some links that might be helpful.

https://www.empowher.com/condition/multiple-sclerosis

https://www.empowher.com/node/21918

https://www.empowher.com/condition/depression

Which you the best and keep us posted,

Daisy

November 26, 2011 - 3:31pm

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Please join our group to talk about how depression has affected your life, ask questions and gain support. This group is for any woman who is experiencing depression, or wants to help a friend or loved one.

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