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Does my husband not want sex from me, or in general Join this Group

another relationship problem

By December 7, 2011 - 7:15pm

so iv known my boyfriend for about 12yrs and we've been dating the last 10 or so months. of course 2 months after we started dating i found out i was pregnant. when we first got together he was sweet and seemed to really care about me. he would want to spend time with me and always be close to me, but it seems like after i found out i was pregnant he hasn't really wanted to much to do with me. i already had a 3yr old son from my last relationship and my boyfriend now asked me to move in with him. he doesn't care to much for my son. hes always saying that hes not his responsibility because he already has a father even though his dad might come around every 6 months if hes lucky. besides that he has been treating me different over the past few months. like when he comes home from work he plays his stupid video games until 11 at night. we hardly ever have sex we used to have sex all the time but now i have to just about beg him for it. he never wants to spend time with me and any time we do spend time together its for my monthly intervention in which he tells me every thing i do wrong. he makes me feel terrible all the time like im the most unattractive person to walk the earth. hes always telling me that he could do better than me. i even try to stay out of the house til its my sons bed time so i don't have to face him. i know i should leave and i really want to its just i could never afford it on my own. especially since im about to have a new baby. if i stay i have to deal with always being put down and afraid to do anything with out getting yelled at but if i leave i dont make enough to support me and my kids i went to college and have a full time job but its still not enough on my own. what should i do

EmpowHER Guest
By Anonymous January 15, 2012 - 7:42am

Hi Panders,

Welcome to EmpowHER.  Sorry to hear this, It might be good to talk to your husband about getting himself checked with a doctor.  It might be many things that's causing the low sex drive. If you are sure he isn't cheating. It might be a low libido.  It might be good for him to get bloodwork and if not your doctor might suggest a good psychotherapy.  It's important to tak to him first and let him know what you would like him to do, in order to make the relationship work. 



January 15, 2012 - 7:42am

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alone75 Hello, I am almost 36 years old. My husband is almost 38. When we first met, I had just gotten out of a 12 year relationship. My ex took it upon himself to find someone else when I was 7 months pregnant. My little girl will be 4 in june, and my husband has been raising her like his own since she was about 2-3months. We are in the process of having him adopt her. Since we have been together, we have had another child. For about the past 2 and a half years, we have grown apart sexually. To the point of me wanting attention from my ex. A while back, about 2 years ago, I spent the night with my ex, but had no sex. I wanted to though, because I wasn't getting touched anymore from my husband. It now is going on six months without sex. He has a variety of excuses. He says he thinks his testosterone is low, but when I tell him to see a doctor, he finds excuses not to. Then he says he wants me to make the first move. When I tell him that after so many months of no touch, I am embarrassed to make the first move, which he calls infantile. Once he said I didn't deserve his touch. Another time he just expressed how evil I was. I wanted everyone to know I am not perfect. I did go to my ex for the emotional comfort. I know that was emotional cheating. I feel like a monster. I had to tell him though because I wanted him to have a choice of stay or go. About a month ago, now me and my best friend who is a girl played around a little. She is bisexual, and I was just so...ummm....in the mood. I have known her for years. The day we messed around(I did not do anything oral) my husband had told me to get the f@#k out of the house. I was plain fed up. I did tell him a few days later. He was upset, but not upset like when I had the emotional affair with my ex. All of this started though when he stopped being intimate. I didn't do this stuff while we were happy. It just happened because I am lonely. He comes home from work at around 11p, (he gets out around 10:30p) takes his sleeping meds, go to his computer, does whatever he does, plays his guitart, then when the medication hits him he comes to bed and passes out. I dread his days off because we yell. He has pushed me on one occasion, and smacked my leg on one occasion. It has only happened those few times, and I have been in a physically abusive relationship before, and this definetly does not strike me as one, pun intended. I don't know what to do. My girls love him so much, and he loves them. He gets irrate when I mention divorce, then calls me a quitter and loser. He says I am dooming myself because my parents are divorced. Well, my grandparents on both sides of my family were not divorced, and I have seen happy marriages and have faith that I can have one too. Just because it may not be with him, does not mean it can not happen. BTW, he is divorced. He got a divorce after 6 months of marriage. Please someone help me, I know I am not perfect, and if anyone thinks I am trashy, that is okay too. I am just the intimate type, who feels sex is important. I know if I condition my lifestyle to abstinence, it will be for him, and i will forever harbour resentment towards him for that, which is not fair to either one of us.


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