Who Are You and What Have You Done With Me?
I took a good look at myself this morning for the first time in who-knows-how-long and saw a woman who couldn't possibly have been me.
She is the type who drives in the slow lane "just in case the crazies are out on the road". I AM the "crazies".
She knows the basic food groups and how much of each should be included in her regular diet. I eat pizza. And chocolate. And I drink soda like it's water ... though that is kind of funny to say because I NEVER drink water.
She remembers the hilarious things her kid said this morning at breakfast and smiles to herself. I haven't eaten breakfast in years and am struggling to remember exactly what happened last night after I left the bar.
When asked the question, "what do you do for fun?", I give a list 2 mouthfuls long while she struggles to name something she does only for herself and the enjoyment of doing it.
I have a great sex life with a couple regular, interchangeable guys whenever I want, just to keep things interesting. She sleeps with her husband. And when I say "sleeps", I mean she literally sleeps.
She's getting up for the day when I'm going to bed at the end of mine.
I wander around like I am lost. She is found.
I think I know what true love is. She has no doubt.
I sometimes envy her life. She sometimes envies mine.
I describe myself in adjectives. She describes herself in verbs.
I joke about the person I have become, too. My old-self would not approve!
I LOVE my new-self. I am a mom of two young boys, and love my new identity. It is harder than anything else I've ever done (and I used to teach what students labeled as the "blow off" health class to undergraduate college students...now THAT was hard!).
My husband and I do miss the days when we could jump in the car and drive on an adventure. We could stay out late drinking and dancing, knowing we could sleep until noon the next day. Those were fun times, and I'm glad I have those memories. I will be able to do these things again, but for now, i have other fun and different things I'm doing. They don't sound as "fun", but they are ultimately fulfilling. I get to swim everyday with two boys who think there is nothing more joyous than splashing in the pool. I took for granted how much fun being in the pool really is! I really do notice the smaller things in life; my 4 year old is looking at the clouds, saying, "mommy! I see an elephant!". When was the last time I actually even noticed the sky?!
I now know all the best outdoor recreation areas in my neighborhood and surrounding city. It is so cool how many museums, parks, cooking classes, sports classes, libraries, storytimes, craft times and other fun times there are!
Of course, I am writing this as my oldest son is sleeping, and my mom is babysitting my infant. In 30 minutes, I will be back on mommy-duty, and no doubt will be counting down the minutes to bedtime. But...we do get to go swimming again tonight! :-)August 17, 2010 - 2:13pm
Interesting post. It is funny to think back on our "other life" pre-kids. My husband and I had our fun when we were dating...running around with friends, eating out several times each week, and going to bars regularly. We think of that time with twinkles in our eyes. Our life now with our two little boys is good too, just different. We have different priorities. We do different things, our boys are our focus and they are worth far more than the waste of our earlier days. We rarely have use for going out drinking all night because someone has to get up at 7am with the boys. This is progress. It is a trade off. We are glad to have had our time before the boys (we waited until we were 35), and now we are enjoying family life.August 17, 2010 - 9:48am
I read your comments and memories came flooding back of when we had our six at home. My husband and I did things differently - we both had children before we met and married so it is only now that we are starting to stretch our legs and feel the freedoms we never had in our own relationship. But it is like being a battery hen. Everytime we go out I still check my watch because I spent years knowing I had to be home for kids after school; I had to cook meals at certain times; and I usually had fights to sort, and all of the other things that make up family life. I miss my children heaps, even though two of my three now have a child of their own. What I tell myself is being a grandma is better - I get the fun of the gingerbread house, without having to cope with the sore tummy after they eat it.
But boy you guys are lucky to still be going through it all - I look back now and wonder where I had the energy to do it all :)December 21, 2010 - 1:13pm
Have a great holiday season