Ok here it goes. I need advice bad.
I have been with this guy for 23 months and am in love with him more the words can say. There are just a few issues i cant figure out how to fix.
1) He used to be so kind and so sweet. He would do anything for me. Now is can be so cold heartless and mean. Not all the time but alot.
2) When we drink (once or twice a month) he tends to rather play with himself and watch porn then be with me. He wont even let me join in sometimes.
3) After we do have sex or fool around it feels like he wants nothing to do with me. We finish get dressed and go bout our day. For him its work for me its taking care of our 5 month old twins. No talking no cuddling no emotions.
4) When we do have sex or fool around there is rarely any emotion. No i love u no passion like we used to have. He even puts on porn alot of the time and it seems like thats what he is paying attention to not me. I told him we could watch it together but thats not what i ment and i tell him that.
5) He is the first guy that has ever made me squit. I was embarrassed but he said he loved it. I told him for me to do that it ment i trusted him compleatly and i would start changing how i was with sex and try new things like he was asking. I just dnt want to be hurt again. I never let anyone in that close to me before please dont make me regret it. Well since then he has not wanted to be with me much at all only when he wants a bj. Not when i want to. He broke that trust. In the last 2 months we have had accual sex 2x messed around 4x and thats it. He plays with himself other then that. I try but he rejects me.
6) Right now im in our living room and he is im our bedroom. We have been drinking so he starts playing with himself. I had to leave the room cuz it hurts me but turns me on so much.
7) I am scared to go in and try anything cuz who knows if he wants me to or not.
8) I know i have lost about 50-65 lbs since i have had the twins and i dnt eat but am i that ugly now. I have worse self esteam then i have had in awhile cuz of all of this.
9) He says he loves me but at times he acts like he doesnt and like he has no feeling bout me at all really.
I just want to know how to get us back on track. How can i make him want me more then the porn?
Thats another thing. He told me he would never choose porn over me cuz the reall thing is so much better. But he is choosing it over me and it kills me.
Please help if u can
To those who read this long as thing. Thank u for ur time and please help if u can. I love him and wanna stay with him. I wnt to make this work