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Is this sex addiction and does he love me?

By October 15, 2012 - 4:36am

My husband suddenly became grumpy hostile and angry, it began when I felt ill and tired. Went to the doctors and after being told nothing was wrong with me after blood tests etc. My husband was going on long walks with my eldest daughter who was 27 years old. They would come back, I was not allowed to go, I was told it was dad and daughter time.
I discovered it was partly so my husband could slag me off and say how lazy and nasty I was. I was diagnosed with a parathyroid tumour, got it removed, felt sad about being misunderstood and was really hurt. My daughter appeared to take her fathers side and her husband was really nasty on one occasion, he verbally and physically threatened to thump me, as my daughter kept taking offence at everything I said to her.
It only changed after my second daughter came to stay with her partner at my insistence; when they wanted to save for a house and had no where to go. They realised that my husband was being really horrible to me and blaming me, slagging me off and setting me up. He had decided to chase after a woman at work and slowly but surely was making out to her and my family that I was this awful mother and wife. When I asked him what was the matter, he would tell me he felt ill all the time with his chest, as he is asthmatic.
He was hateful all the time and I was making excuses for him saying it was his illness. Then one early morning I got up, after not being able to sleep, after a terrible day with him being hateful and telling me with hate in his eyes, that I was" a vile person wasn't I". I discovered a message on his phone after guessing his pass code that he had put on, I felt guilty prying but I just felt the need to check. I saw the message" miss you. xxx" to a woman called Yvonne !
To cut this down a bit I still have two children at home, 10 yrs and 11 years; so I have tried to continue with my marriage. He told me he still loved me This woman has said horrible things to me about what he had said and asked me where my pride is, why don't I get rid of him. After three times, when we or he decided he was going to leave, he and I cried and realised we couldn't live without each other.
The older girls feel he is scum and should leave, I wanted him to stay and try. He is moving jobs to apparently get away from her, he says it's for me mostly I think it is embarrassing for him also as she told everyone he was impotent and seemed to feel he had a problem all the time. I didn't like to tell her otherwise as he only had a problem shortly after having an affair with her. He told her he never had sex with me; that was a lie.
I discovered loads of pornographic photos and films on a hard drive that you can plug in, after he had taken all the passwords off everything that he had been hiding from me. There were hundreds of photos and films all with pantihose on mostly, as this is his fettish. I have always had to wear them since we were married, when we have sex. We have been married 29 years this november. When I confronted him, he was embarrassed and ashamed, I joked about it and said he could share them with me and not hide them.
He has always wanted bum sex via my anus and I have always said no thank you. It got heated before his affair as he would try to do it after I had asked him not to. It made me reluctant to have sex and I think this may have been one of the lead up problems. Now he has started to raise this issue again he has also started to do odd things like masterbate over me and cum over my chest. he then said "oh don't you like that either". There is no warning when he is going to do these things. I was a virgin when I met my husband and I think I am fairly open minded. We have gone from only having sex once a week to every night nearly. I will not say no as I need to feel needed but when he does things like this and keeps on sneaking in the conversation that he would like to have anal sex, whilst he is poking his finger up my anus when we are being intimate without asking and I hate to complain. So I bring it up the next day to try to discuss it gently and tell him I don't get anything out of feeling like I need a poo and having an orgasm at the same time. He is still bringing the subject up and then apologising. I actually said" if you want to, you go first and we wiill , get something for your anus and then I will try it. He was disgusted and said no it was a woman thing. I have explained it isn't. I feel I am being used and not really loved, I need love and tenderness at the moment and all he has done is set me up. If my daughter hadn't come to live with us, everyone would have believed I was horrible and his affair was understandable. I would have had no one to love me thinking I was this terrible person. Now I feel that maybe his other woman just used him and I am just the booby prize. that he has to try to make it more exciting to put up with and my feelings don't seem to come into it.

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