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Why does a Man not want sex?

By March 19, 2011 - 11:43am

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost two years now. Although we do have sex it's not very frequent and to be honest not very good. He is a real sweetheart and I love him to death. In every other aspect of our relationship he is perfect; considerate, sweet, very lotal, etc. but I feel like our sex life is a real drag on our relationship as a whole. When I talk to him about it, he talks openly about it but says that he doesn't really feel that drive. I feel really disconnected from him because I am such an emotional person and he isn't. It just doesn't feel like he is "all there". And there is no initiation on his part. He'll tell me its not me but I feel like I've run out of options. I'm positive he is not cheating because he doesn't even look at other girls the same way most guys do (I have a lot of guy friends) What do I do? Is there anything I can do to make this better?

By July 28, 2011 - 8:33pm

Jrhopper- It's so hard to go through. Especially since you want to make it work. It has been a few months now and through talking with him I've discovered many of his insecurities with sex came from an abusive past relationship. I knew about the relationship but I overlooked how significant it was and how abusive she was. My sex life isn't perfect but it's getting better. There is still hope! :)

July 28, 2011 - 8:33pm
By April 2, 2011 - 1:26am

I know that it's tough but I have been married for seven years and we took vows before God that we both take very seriously and I know I could never leave him over this issue. I am going to help him every step of the way, at least he has said that he wants some help and he is trying. If you have someone special in your life that you love the way that I love my husband then you will do almost anything to make it work. Yes, sex is important but really over the long haul it is not what makes a relationship whole there has to me more than that. I hope this helps to have someone who understands. when I saw your post I couldn't believe how similar our situations are. I thought I was the only woman to ever go through something like this. It seems like all my friends have sex all the time or at least they say they do!

April 2, 2011 - 1:26am
By April 1, 2011 - 12:40pm

Hi thanks for the comments. I really appreciate them!

Gaiamouse- I really do enjoy sex too, but I really love him so I am trying to make this work. I asked him about turn-offs and there are a couple I try not to do anymore but nothing major and nothing that has made much impact. I have even tried finding all his turns ons but even those don't guarantee a good night. I think a sex therapist might be the only way, but right now that doesn't really fit into our short budget. That's why I'm trying to help him fix whatever is going on.

Jrhopper- Thanks for sharing that with me. It's nice to know someone else in going through the same thing. It's so difficult because he is so good to me, but not having the Sex part hurts me soo deeply. Yeah my boyfriend is an "in the mind guy too" and he has said similar things. He has said he feels like I am judging him and that he needs control of the situation so we are trying to work that out. I'm not trying to judge him I am just getting so tired of putting myself out there and not getting anything back.

April 1, 2011 - 12:40pm
By April 1, 2011 - 12:04am

MusicGirl, I know exactly what you are going through. My husband and I have been married for years and we have a serious problem in this area as well. Your boyfriend sounds very similar to my husband in that he is very sweet and very, very good to me but as far as sex is concerned we rarely have it and when we do it is not all that great. We have even seen a therapist and she was helping a whole lot until we changed insurance and we haven't found a new one yet but for the sake of out marriage we know we need to work on this. He has told me before that it is all in his mind. He is nervous and wants to please me but has no idea how.

April 1, 2011 - 12:04am
By March 22, 2011 - 5:12am

I love sex, so if it's not there in a relationship, neither am I. However, the disconnect may be due to a lack of communication. There may be things he is not telling you, like he hates when you leave the toothpaste cap off. These will affect the sexual relationship. Why don't you try going to a psychologist together for relationship counseling? I wish you good luck.

March 22, 2011 - 5:12am

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