Choosing to Adopt: Giving a Child the Gift of a Family

By Darlene Oakley HERWriter

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Choosing to Adopt? Giving a Child the Gift of a Family

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A family or couple might consider the option of adoption for several reasons. The most common reasons though, are because they can’t have biological children of their own, or because they want to bring the happiness of a loving family to a child who hasn’t had one.

Regardless of the reasons, the debate as to whether or not to pursue an adoption is one that couples and families grapple with.

To Adopt or Not to Adopt

While many adults may feel the tug of needing to care for children, adoption isn’t necessarily the right and only solution. Some may find that simply investing in children’s activities – coaching a team, running a play group or teaching Sunday School is enough.

Others feel that they are ready for the commitment and have a specific set of skills to successfully parent a child coming from a very difficult place. (1)

“Children and youth need to have roots. To experience healthy development and create a sense of self-worth, children need to feel a sense of belonging, with a permanent family who cares for them ... Adoption is a compassionate gift of family to a child (by ‘child’ we mean children and youth up to the age of 18) in need of a permanent, loving relationship. Adoption creates security and acceptance ... It is intended to provide children with the stability and lifelong security that comes from a permanent home.” (3)

Who can Be an Adoptive Parent?

Adoption agencies are looking for people from a wide variety of backgrounds. People from different cultures and with particular experience and skills in dealing with children with special needs are particularly sought after.

In Ontario, Canada 60 percent of children available for adoption are over the age of 13, and similar numbers can be assumed for some states. Obviously this age group requires special care. It also takes additional commitment to take on a child with emotional and learning difficulties.

Considerations for Potential Adoptive Parents and Families

Families, couples and individuals who decide to adopt will go through a “rigorous screening process that encourages self-reflection and consideration about their reasons for wanting to adopt as well as their expectations for the child and the parenthood experience.” (4)

But before even beginning the process, prospective adoptive parents should consider:

• Whether the desire to adopt actually comes from wanting to provide a loving and stable home to a child rather than trying to meet a need to have children.

• Whether you have realistic expectations and availability of resources, experience/education, time and energy to deal with the demands placed on adoptive parents. This is particularly important in helping an adoptive child cope with the emotions surrounding the circumstances of their adoption and any special needs.

• If you are willing to learn about ways of effectively managing your adoptive child’s uniqueness and needs, as well as being able to teach them about life in your home and world.

• If you have a support system outside the home to whom you can turn when you need it, and will know when to tap into that support system.

• If there are already children in the family, are they ready for the new sibling and how will they handle this transition?

• How would you answer and help your child (both adopted and biological) answer questions about the adoption and about the adopted child’s circumstances?

There is no underestimating the importance of finding loving parents for children who, for whatever reason, haven’t had the stability and experience. It takes a lot of time and dedication and commitment, and it is a decision that cannot be made lightly.

Sources:

1) Adoption self-assessment: Are you ready to consider adoption? Here’s a checklist that will help you decide. Focus on the Family Canada. Web. Accessed: Nov 5, 2014.
http://waitingtobelong.ca/articles/adoption-self-assessment

2) Adoption. American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy. Web. Accessed: Nov 5, 2014.
http://www.aamft.org/imis15/aamft/Content/Consumer_Updates/Adoption.aspx

3) Adoption. Ontario Association of Children’s Aid Societies. Web. Accessed: Nov 5, 2014.
http://www.oacas.org/childwelfare/adopt.htm

4) Impact of Adoption on Adoptive Parents. Child Welfare Information Gateway. Web. Accessed: Nov 5, 2014.
https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/factsheets/impact_parent

Reviewed November 6, 2014
by Michele Blacksberg RN
Edited by Jody Smith

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We value and respect our HERWriters' experiences, but everyone is different. Many of our writers are speaking from personal experience, and what's worked for them may not work for you. Their articles are not a substitute for medical advice, although we hope you can gain knowledge from their insight.