Discipline: First Yourself, Then The Kids

By Jody Smith HERWriter

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Elizabeth Lyons has five children. On the subject of discipline and control, she has experience in the trenches. She shares her perspective that what we need to discipline and control first, is ourselves.

When we can control how we respond, then we can take control of that situation with our kids and properly discipline them, and not before.

Elizabeth recommends counting to three ... or two hundred ... and using that time for calming yourself down first.

(Transcribed from interview)

Discipline: Is It All About The Kids?

Elizabeth Lyons:

Discipline is not really about the kids because at the end of the day we cannot control what our kids do. We can only control how we respond.

So yes, it’s our job as parents to help to guide them toward a place where when they are 18 they are not flailing on the floor of Target. However, what we can have, we want to control the situation as moms.

When you are standing in the middle of the grocery store and your twins are blocking aisle 7 because one of them needs to have Oreos and one of them needs to have pretzels, even though you intend to buy neither of them, you want control of that situation.

You want to know exactly, and in wanting that control so badly you can lose it yourself. Now you’ve got three people flailing in aisle 7 of the grocery store.

So what I find the most success with and what I found that other moms find the most success with is tuning into yourself and saying, okay, I cannot control what’s happening here but I can control what I am doing.

And the whole notion of counting to three works so much better for moms not because their children are listening at all. One time I started counting to three and I said two and my son who was at the time like two, just said three because he thought I was teaching him to count or something. It’s really about calming yourself down.

So when moms need to take that time to count to three or ten or two hundred, you take that time to count to three or ten or two hundred. It’s about training yourself. It’s about learning how to discipline yourself, to discipline them in that moment, and sometimes the heat at the moment is not the time to teach a lesson.

http://www.elizabethlyons.com

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We value and respect our HERWriters' experiences, but everyone is different. Many of our writers are speaking from personal experience, and what's worked for them may not work for you. Their articles are not a substitute for medical advice, although we hope you can gain knowledge from their insight.