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"I'll Take Motherhood, With a Side of Anxiety"

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Something happened to me when I became a Mom. From the first time that I held that tiny, warm baby in my arms, I was overwhelmed with love. With that great love, came fear and anxiety that something would harm my child.

I also would panic that something would happen to my husband and leave me to care for our new baby by myself. I can remember hugging him tighter than usual and begging him to drive safe even as he left for short grocery trips. I felt so incredibly blessed to have my wonderful life and beautiful family. My greatest fear was that it would be taken away from me.

Before I had kids, I was an attentive driver but with different goals. I needed to get where I was going and I was on a schedule. I cursed the mini-vans that drove just over the speed limit, as I raced past them. “Wow, it must be nice to have all the time in the world!” I would blurt out in the silence of my car. Now I know how insensitive and wrong I was about those drivers. They had something much more important than time to worry about, and it was carefully buckled in their backseats.

From the moment that I took my newborn home, I saw new things as I drove. I saw cars, trucks and large vehicles that could, at any time, smash into my car and injure my child. The very thought of it would make me shutter. I began to realize how much we really have to trust the other drivers on the road.

I still don’t know if I was experiencing some weird hormonal change but the fear was very real to me. I became good at pushing that concern aside to focus on safe driving but in exchange, my mind found new things to worry about.

Each time I fill my tank up with gas, I create a plan in my head. I figure out the easiest escape route to get all my kids out of the car in the event that a fire starts at the gas station. When I read about disasters like tsunamis, I think about what I would do in those situations and how I would protect my children. Sometimes, I feel like the walking “Worst Case Scenario Handbook.”

Wherever I am, my mind leads me to accidents that could occur and solutions to keep my children safe. Am I crazy? Am I the only parent this happens to?

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We value and respect our HERWriters' experiences, but everyone is different. Many of our writers are speaking from personal experience, and what's worked for them may not work for you. Their articles are not a substitute for medical advice, although we hope you can gain knowledge from their insight.


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