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How To Talk To Your Partner About Infertility (Even If They Don’t Want To Talk At All)

By HERWriter
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Couple talking about infertility Unsplash/alicedonovanrouse

I once listened to a podcast where the host wondered whether talking about money was more taboo than talking about sex. That rang true. However, I realized there is a caveat.

People like to talk about sex when things are running smoothly and going well. People don’t like to talk about the “im” and the “in” of sex: impotence and infertility.

This may even be true in the most honest of relationships. After all, none of us want to consider that we aren’t virile. If you are finding yourself putting off talking about infertility with your partner, here are some potential ways to broach the sensitive topic.

What you want to say: 

I am getting desperate. We have tried for so long and it isn’t working!

What you should say instead:

I haven’t considered alternate ways of making a family. Will you help me to look into it?

Why this is better:

With this response, you are placing your partner in the driver’s seat and allowing some of the panic to dissipate. You can piece together an action plan and consider some of the possible treatments available to you. And there are many! Possible fertility treatments include artificial insemination, donor sperm, fertility drugs, in vitro fertilization, surrogacy and more.1

What you want to say: 

We have to fix this right now and go to the doctor and find out which one of us may be causing the problem.

What you should say instead: 

Can we start to think outside of the box?

Why this is better:

With this response, there is no blame, allowing your partner to think about alternative options (other than the obvious). 

This may even be a good time to suggest a product like The Stork OTC, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home, while bumping up your chances of procreation with cervical cap technology.2

What you want to say: 

I know it isn’t me. I’m the healthy one. You need to get tested.

What you should say: 

I would really like to find out why we are having trouble getting pregnant. It would ease my mind. Could you please come with me to the doctor to get tested together?

Why this is better:

Although this one is a big ask for those who don’t want to consider the possibility of their own infertility, it is tackling the problem together, as a team, which is imperative in such stressful situations. 

If you haven’t been to the doctor in a long while, this may be as simple as the doctor evaluating your lifestyle and menstrual cycle, and giving the woman a Pap test and the man a sperm analysis. 

More thorough examinations can involve blood and urine samples, ovulation predictions, ultrasounds, X-rays and more. However, it is important  not to assume the worst. 

Stay positive and take it one step at a time. Together.3

1) Fertility Treatment Options. Parents. Retrieved 20 February 2017. http://www.parents.com/getting-pregnant/infertility/treatments/guide-to-fertility-methods 2) Stork OTC. Retrieved 20 February 2017. https://www.storkotc.com 3) Infertility Tests – Overview. WebMD. Retrieved 20 February 2017. http://www.webmd.com/infertility-and-reproduction/tc/infertility-tests-overview#1

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We value and respect our HERWriters' experiences, but everyone is different. Many of our writers are speaking from personal experience, and what's worked for them may not work for you. Their articles are not a substitute for medical advice, although we hope you can gain knowledge from their insight.

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