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Moving in Together: What Can You Expect?

By HERWriter
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You're Moving in Together: What Can You Expect? Sergey Peterman/Fotolia

It's been 37 years since I last moved in with a boyfriend. I figure some things are probably quite different for this generation of young people. But human nature hasn't changed in the last three or four decades.

Things Will Be Different

Even if this isn't your first rodeo, more adjustment than you expect will probably be necessary. Maybe you have lived with a guy before. Maybe you are a serial co-habiter. Even so, this time is going to be different.

He has different food preferences. He will be messier — or tidier — than your former partner. He will have different views on your relationship, what is OK and what is not.

If you have never lived with a guy before, you are probably in for a number of shocks and surprises. You may think that the fact that you have spent hours and maybe days at a time together means you are ready for anything. But you'd be wrong.

What Are Your Expectations?

What are the terms of your co-habitation? Have you thought about it? Talked about it?

Did you just get married? Or are you engaged, or liable to end up that way?

Perhaps you are leaving things looser, more open-ended, waiting to see where things head. Is marriage someday down the road on the radar? Maybe one or both of you never want to get married. Are both parties up to speed on that?

Do you both have set ideas about what your roles should be? Or, does only one of you have such notions? Are you deadset against roles? Things will get interesting, as you work out the terms of your agreement — and disagreement.

Will you stay home and cook and clean, or will you be supporting yourself? Will you have joint bank accounts or keep finances separate? Will one of you take care of certain expenses while the other handles different ones?

Are one or both of you adding children to the mix? Life just got more complex, with the possibilities of joy and satisfaction striding side by side with friction and misunderstandings.

Who Makes the Decisions?

Are you moving in to his place? Is he moving in to yours? Are you both moving in to a new place together?

This makes a lot of difference.

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We value and respect our HERWriters' experiences, but everyone is different. Many of our writers are speaking from personal experience, and what's worked for them may not work for you. Their articles are not a substitute for medical advice, although we hope you can gain knowledge from their insight.

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