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Reasons Why He Doesn’t Want to Have Sex with You

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You haven’t been intimate with your partner for more months than you care to count. In your mind, you’re worried about the reasons why. Is he cheating on you? Has he fallen out of love with you? In reality, there are many physical and emotional reasons why he may not want to be intimate with you .
The first thing you need to do when you find yourself in this situation is to talk with your partner. There are actually many medical reasons he may not be feeling up to intimacy – reasons that have nothing to do with you.

You may find any of these medical issues to be true:

1. He may be experiencing low testosterone, which is a normal result of aging. This can cause a loss of libido.

2.He may be depressed or under undue stress at work in which case he may be over-reaching for alcohol, caffeine, or drugs, all of which can effect sexual drive and performance.

3. He may be physically ill or on anti-depressants, as well as prostate medicine, all of which can affect erectile function.

4. He may have developed a sexual disorder that could be related to a traumatic sexual event in his past that is now surfacing through the intimacy of marriage, or relationship.

5. Excessive exercise may be the culprit, a syndrome that can mirror anorexia and bulimia and may affect sexual desire.

6. Sleep deprivation may be the problem.

However, after talking openly with your partner, you may discover that your sexual issues are more emotional:

7. He may be angry with you over some perceived event or experience.

8. He may feel that you are over-controlling and hypercritical, and has shut down in an effort to push back.

9. He may be bored. As the saying goes, “familiarity breeds contempt,” as you and your partner get into a sex routine that may cause you to take each other for granted.

10. He may be fantasizing about having sex with someone else… a rationale that frees him from being faithful.

11. Husbands and lovers who have problems with intimacy often put space and distance between them and you, when they find themselves in a committed relationship, which can make them feel vulnerable.

Dr. Gail Gross


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We value and respect our HERWriters' experiences, but everyone is different. Many of our writers are speaking from personal experience, and what's worked for them may not work for you. Their articles are not a substitute for medical advice, although we hope you can gain knowledge from their insight.

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