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Affairs of the Heart--Why People Have Emotional Affairs

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One of my friends got involved with a man at work. She constantly talked about this man whenever we spoke on phone or met in person. I could see how excited she was when told me about him just by looking at her face. I felt helpless watching her slipping away from her normal life. "Oh, we are just friends--nothing more," she said. I knew she would never get involved with him physically because she didn't dare to risk her family life. She had been married for several years by then and had two kids. She was under the false impression that she was keeping her feelings about him to herself. But what she failed to realize was that it was putting tremendous pressure on her personal, marital, and family life. The vibes were strong enough for her husband to suspect there was something going on.

There are people who have physical or sexual affairs. Then there are people who are constantly thinking about another person but don't act on it. People who have emotional affairs spend much of their lives being miserable because they don't dare to leave what they have but they are also not content with what they have. There are several reasons for people to have emotional affairs:

1. Lack of attention from the spouse: This is one of the major reasons why married people look at others. Over the years of marriage, intimate relationships between partners somewhat fade away or hibernate because of the family responsibilities. Taking care of the kids usually doesn't leave parents time for each other. Often partners take these feelings of being neglected and loneliness and turn towards outside attentions.

2. Not knowing where to draw a line between friendships and relationships: The meaning of the word "friendship" is taken in different ways by different people. In the present world if we don't watch the way we behave with others any of these friendships could turn out different then we anticipate. Some people have a hard time distinguishing between just being a friend or being too friendly. This is especially true when a person is having emotional upheaval at home. The slightest attention they get from others could be interpreted wrongly.

3. Lack of balance between work and family life: People who work constantly together over the years naturally become emotionally bonded. Shorter amounts of time spent at home means becoming emotionally detached with our life partners. Not being able to spend quality time at home, and not being able to balance time between home and work puts a strain on the relationships.

4. Confusion about self and others: Internal friction can result from trying to convince ourselves and others that there is nothing going on except friendship. Confusion about interpreting other person's body language or words leads to frustration. This often reflects on our life partners.

5. Lack of sexual satisfaction with partners: Sexual interests and intensity decreases over the years between partners. Sex can be the last thing on your mind when kids and responsibilities are involved. Lack of newness in lovemaking can trigger a person to look outside of the relationship. Most of the time they resort to the person who they have some kind of a feeling towards.

6. Televisions shows, movies, music, lyrics, romance novels, celebrity affairs, reality shows, and talk shows: There is an affair going on everywhere we see these days. A person with a weak mind could be influenced by these very easily. They make it seem like it is okay to have affairs. Media is the biggest influence on peoples' minds who take it as a way of life in this modern age.

Emotional affairs may mean not getting involved physically, but it can involve being obsessed with the lack of involvement (buzzle.com). One cannot express his or her true feelings to the other person. It begins with convincing oneself that it is okay to feel for the other person as long as it doesn't hurt anyone. But eventually it turns into infatuation which leads to discontentment, anger, frustration, and jealousy. This in turns affects family life. Being involved mentally with someone often leads to decreased concern, lack of interest, lack of patience, and lack of concentration at home with your loved ones.

When a person has a weak family history, marital problems, sexual issues, or a general dissatisfaction with life they may look for salvation. Sometimes the choices made may not be the right ones. They not only hurt themselves but their loved ones too. Whatever routes we choose all we need to remember the sayings "The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence," and "A known bad thing is better than an unknown good thing" because, OUR LIFE MATTERS.

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We value and respect our HERWriters' experiences, but everyone is different. Many of our writers are speaking from personal experience, and what's worked for them may not work for you. Their articles are not a substitute for medical advice, although we hope you can gain knowledge from their insight.

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