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AUDIO: Dr. Marty Klein - How Do I Get Over A Past Love?

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No sex or relationship question is too embarrassing because it’s time to ask EmpowHer’s sexuality expert – Dr. Marty Klein, anything.

“How do I get over a past love? I am starting a new relationship right now, but my heart is somewhere else. Do you have any advice?”

Dr. Marty Klein:
How do you get over a past love? Well, it depends on how long ago your past love was. If your past love was three days ago, you probably need a little more time to get over it. If your past love was nine years ago, then you are already overdue. And the question is, what do you need to bring completion to that experience?

Sometimes what we need to get completion is to just forgive ourselves for a mistake that we made, or forgive the other person for not being who we thought they were, or just to come to terms with, you know, sometimes things just don’t work out, either because we were too young, or our needs were different, or we didn’t realize who we were at the time.

So you are very wise to want to get over this old love, and you may need to do some sort of a ritual. You know, go to the beach and throw a pebble in the ocean, or go into the backyard and dig a little hole and put your favorite teddy bear in the little hole, or maybe go out to the restaurant you and this other person used to go to and order a glass of champagne and throw it in the waiter’s face, I don’t know.

For some people a ritual really helps. I would say it’s very important that you get over this other relationship before you get too seriously involved with somebody else. You seem to have an intuition about that, and I really want to support that intuition.

We value and respect our HERWriters' experiences, but everyone is different. Many of our writers are speaking from personal experience, and what's worked for them may not work for you. Their articles are not a substitute for medical advice, although we hope you can gain knowledge from their insight.

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