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Sex with a New Partner – What’s Important?

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When you met, your chemistry was clearly in tune. Then, you started dating for awhile and things have been going more than smoothly. Now, both of you are ready for the next step, an intimate involvement. How do you proceed safely and bridge the sensitive issues? Here are some tips to help:

1. Communication about sexual risks must be discussed before you let your passion bloom. You owe it to each other to be completely honest about your sexual history and not put your new partner at risk. Ask your love when was the last time she/he was tested for HIV and or STDs? It is a fact that the HIV virus can only be discovered three to six months after a test. So frankness is important. Use condoms to be sure.

2. Be totally honest about your ex-sex-partners. Did they have genital herpes or warts, or do you? Have you had any outbreaks recently? If so, when was your last outbreak and are you currently being treated? Did you take unnecessary risks with someone who had herpes?

3. Is your partner in menopause or past menopause or could she still get pregnant? In any case, you need to know if she is using some kind of birth control to avoid pregnancy.

4. Some women are allergic to latex condoms and many vaginal lubricants that contain fragrance, flavors such as chocolate or other unnecessary additives. The only safe and effective choice for vaginal lubrication or stimulation is to use a lubricant or intimate moisturizer that’s both FDA-approved and hypo-allergenic, or in other words, free of fragrance, hormones and chemical additives.

5. Being clean and smelling clean is a given before intimate explorations take place. Sharing a shower is a great start to advance the sexual interlude.

6. Now to the pleasure information. It is really important to share with your new partner what makes you sexually happy. Be detailed to avoid disappointments. Share where and how you want to be stroked, and kissed or touched. Don’t be shy to guiding his or her hand to identify your magical spots. Remember, only you know exactly what feels wonderful, and you need to share that information if you want to experience a happy sexual life.

7. Some men love their nipples sucked and stroked. Others hate it. Some women love oral sex, to give and to get. Others feel really unable to do so. Not even the best lover can guess what it is that makes you happy, and sex is about making your partner feel wonderful. So be forthcoming when discussing your sexual preferences.

8. Be loving and tender. Kiss, stroke and hug. If any particular sexual position or action, however, is painful, speak up. You don’t want your partner to mistake your moans to be caused by pleasure when they are sounds of pain.

9. No ex-boyfriend or girlfriend talk in the bedroom. That’s a real passion damper.

10. If you’re super sophisticated in bed, don’t go through all your tricks in the very first session. Let him be the initiator in the beginning. Remember, men often like to be conquerors. Once you are more advanced in your love making, he will enjoy for you to take the lead.

11. Lastly, if you invite him to stay over at your house, be sure it is neat and you’ve done a little shopping for the morning after breakfast if that is what you intend to happen. If, on the other hand, he has invited you to his home, don’t assume he expects you to stay there. Only do so if both of you are ready to be together and not because you feel pressured.

12. Be loving, tender, and never hurtful. Women especially want to be cuddled and hugged before and after, and most men like it as well.

Edited by Alison Stanton

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June 17, 2011 - 6:55am
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We value and respect our HERWriters' experiences, but everyone is different. Many of our writers are speaking from personal experience, and what's worked for them may not work for you. Their articles are not a substitute for medical advice, although we hope you can gain knowledge from their insight.

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