You’re lying in bed bumping up against that body next to you, seething with hurt and anger. You haven’t been touched or reached for in more months than you care to count. You’ve gone through the typical exercises of seduction, friendship, and caring, only to have been rejected and thwarted again and again. Your mind has assessed all of the possibilities: if there is someone else, another woman, a lack of desire, or loss of love. Bruised and hurt you withdraw and the situation now becomes distant and lonely.
You are not alone! This story repeats itself in many bedrooms all across America. Your natural impulse is to blame yourself. “What am I doing wrong?” “What can I do right?” But just as we can never make anyone love us, we can’t make someone want to have sex.
So what can you do?
The root of the problem
First, you have to find out the cause. What are the reasons your man has stopped having sex with you? Don’t play “the blame game.” If you find yourself rejected and in a sexless marriage or relationship without touching, hugging, or kissing, without the comfort of the words “I love you,” it may not have anything to do with you. Believe it or not, there are over 20 million marriages in the United States just like yours.
The first thing you need to do when you find yourself in this situation is to go with your husband or mate to a medical doctor and have a medical work up. You may find one of these medical issues to be true:
1) He may be experiencing low testosterone, which is a normal result of aging. This can cause a loss of libido.
2) He may be depressed or under undue stress at work in which case he may be over-reaching for alcohol, caffeine, or drugs, all of which can effect sexual drive and performance.
3) He may be physically ill or on anti-depressants, as well as prostate medicine, all of which can affect erectile function.
4) He may have developed a sexual disorder that could be related to a traumatic sexual event in his past that is now surfacing through the intimacy of marriage, or relationship.