catastrophi101

I am a female in my mid 30's. I have been married 16 years, 3preg. (1 living child)
I am Successful Financial Analyst. I do not have a degree, so I had to work my way through the ranks. What brings success in one part of your life can bring stress and failure to another. Balance is hard for me though since my work is where I know I am the best at what I do. No question, I always receive my Qtr. Intensives, and bonus'. I am always given the best projects. I also never say no to anything given to me.
So, that is also how I have to date been dealing with all issues in my life regardless of what they are. Too often my marriage comes last after my Job and my daughter.
I find myself struggling with my self image, how much anyone would know about me and my past that would alter their view of me as a valuable well adjusted human being. In truth I am not, and will always struggle with my past and my issues. All I can do is strive to better myself and work on my issues with my church elders, and counselors. I struggle with eating disorders and cutting. I have ceased in the unhealthy activity, but have to remain vigilant in my recovery.
I have a childhood that is hard to speak about and for most people even doctors to hear. It is something I have struggled with every single day. Because the trauma included medical professionals, now that experience It is the litmus test for every doctor and nurse I see now. If anyone is condescending, patronizing, or in any way disrespectful to me. I stop speaking and walk out the door. The only doctor I trust implicitly is my GP and that is because I can communicate freely with him about anything.
I have had a full abd hysterectomy with one ovary removed. After, I had a relapse of my IBS, and now, I have pelvic floor (levator muscle spasms) pain with accompanying bladder issues and sexual dysfunction (believe it or not that one is brand new) issues that have devastated my life at home and are threatening my career.
It is my hope to eventually find the right answer, as there are many. Every major medical Institution has either a patented device and/or are in partnership with a corporation to push a device, a therapy, or both and all have a different theory behind my conditions. They are all different, and I guess eventually until I am better I will spend my money on them all. I also have always had an issue with my R kidney. I have pain there off and on, and about 2-4 stones a year. I usually only end up at the ER once every couple of years with it. I just push fluids, heat compress and Tylenol hoping it goes away, if I get a fever, or the pain becomes a 10 I go to the Dr. So my last IVP (see profile pic) the GYN sent me for after my pain and urinary issues following the hysterectomy, he decided to send me to a UroGyn after seeing there was no injury to my uterers. I was already in my 7th week of symptoms.
I have never been to such a specialized sub-specialist. I couldn't tolerate the continued nocturnia with no answer on how to get more sleep, and the extreme pain from the treatments. I didnt understand why I needed to go back to my GP, and also go to a pain management doctor because he is a sub-specialist and only deals with one specific symptom/condition. I also didnt know until now that pain is not considered as part of the condition, but rather a condition unto itself. It was all very confusing to me because at that point I was so emotional and without sleep. I was sick of running around to offices all over the metro area for different things that were really all related. So I abandoned the treatment and the Gyno-Urologist completely for a general Urologist and meds I thought would help.
The Urologist set me up on PT (not in house :) ) which I love, and pain mgt. She also explained to my face and not through a nurse what she could do for me, and how she could refer me and get me set up through her office for pn mgt so all involved would be organized and informed. Yay! Now I am getting sympathetic blocks.
The only one of all the Rx's (13 total :/ ) that I have decided to keep using are the baclofen vaginal suppositories @ PM so I can sleep about 4-5 hours a night now :D .
However, I am going to have to see the original UroGyn again regarding my sexual dysfunction, since everyone agrees it is what I should do. So I am going to bite the bullet and do his torture therapy ( I am trying to change my attitude about it). I would like to try the intra-vaginal injection / pain point injections as well.
Bottom line I want to be where I was a year ago when I swam 3.6 miles without a problem. Now I read on my doctors notes, muscle waste... I am devastated. All my work over 6 years to build myself from the core out and my stamina has gone down the tubes. I cant run, swim or do any kind of strenuous activity without being down the whole next day.
Oh, yes back to my kidney, sorry. My IVP report indicated I have Tubular ectasia... I havent had anyone look into if I actually do have that because no-one seems to think that the stones and the abnormality are related.. Ok I know they are. So I am trying to find out what to stop eating or doing to keep the sediment that is collecting in this kidney from turning into stones. Right now I am just (again as always) pushing that water.. 1 Gal a day ...
Ok, if you read all of this you are my hero! for real! I just realized how much I wrote whew! Thank You for spending your valuable time reading my disorganized attempt at a medical / social history & God Bless!!! <3