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Caught my husband with his pants down...

By July 19, 2016 - 8:17am
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This morning I awoke to find my husband standing in the dining room, wiping up his "mess." Apparently he had just pleasured himself in the middle of the dining room (it sounds funny, but it's really not). So a little about our back story. We have been married for 3.5 years. In the beginning we had an amazing sex life. Sometimes several times a day, sometimes while driving (oral), sometimes even at work (we worked together in the beginning). It was great!! However, life happens, we had a baby, we got busy and tired, and our sex life just isn't what it used to be. In addition, I have had a series of health problems lately that have played a part in a lack of intercourse. We still have fun in other ways though, but not nearly as much as we used to. Anyhow, so back to the masturbation issue...

Several months ago, I had awoken to find him masturbating in bed. No biggie right? Wrong! Our infant daughter was in bed between us. He was essentially jacking off next to our baby. I was pissed and disgusted! We talked about it the next day and I told him that if he feels the need to please himself, do it in the bathroom with the door locked. So a few months back, i walked into our bedroom and saw him masturbating in our master bath with the door open. He was on his phone looking at porn. I was hurt, and pissed. We talked about it and he admitted to masturbating to porn on a few occasions. So once again I forgave him. Aside from this issue, hes a good man and a great father. And i love him. So we moved past it. I told him that I don't mind if he masturbates, I understand it's a normal and natural part of life, but I don't want to know about it, I don't want to see it, and he needs to do it in PRIVATE!!! And I do not want him looking at porn!!! He agreed that it was wrong and he wouldn't do it again. I even gave him some naughty pictures of me that he can look at for visual stimulation. I am an attractive woman in my early 30s, I work out, I have a nice body. He has told me time and time again how unbelievably attracted he is to me, and that I'm his "Dream Girl" still to this day. Ok then, my naughty pictures should work great to get him off, right!?! Well this morning, he got up before the rest of our family as he does every week day. He typically has the house to himself in the early mornings. I happened to wake up this morning having to go pee, so I peeked into the living room where he does his pre-work workout in the mornings and didn't see him, so I rounded the corner and saw him standing there with his pants down, wiping up his mess. This bothered me for a couple reasons: A) he was doing it out in the open. We also have older children, what if it had been one of them to come out into the dining room or to the kitchen to get a drink? That would've been horrific! And B) he had his cell phone out and the screen was on. He quickly pushed something and cleared whatever he was looking at. Hindsight is 20/20 and I wish I would've gone to his phone to see what he was looking at. Instead, in my anger, I turned around immediately after seeing him and went to the bathroom. That gave him time to delete whatever he was doing from his phone. Because when I came back out, his browser history was cleared. He swears he wasn't looking at porn. He swears he was thinking about me. But too many things just don't add up. What do I do!!?? I'm sick to my stomach!!

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Hello KKsMommy,

Welcome to the EmpowHER community.Thank you for reaching out to us for advice.

Not to sound dismissive, consider marriage counseling. A professional trained in such matters may be able to get your husband to talk about why he chooses to repeat this behavior, especially in risky settings with older children in the house.

Before seeking counseling, do you think the two of you can find time alone? (I know how hard that is with work and children) Time to talk with emotions in check, (I know not easy) about how each of you is feeling, why he continues to do this and how it is affecting you personally.

We are here for you,

July 19, 2016 - 8:36am
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