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My boyfriend and i have been together for 7 months now. Everything is great (well except i would like to have sex a bit more than he does) He says its not about the sex its about spending quality time with me where we live in seperate towns and dont get to see each other ofter. Which is true and sweet BUT.....a few days ago i found he uses a sex 3d advatar sight. (and another site you can chat and flirt with people) You hear all the time of significant others using sex chat lines or porn sites. But why do people feel the need they need to do this when in a relationship? What is missing that they resort to this? I would do just about anything for him in or out of the bedroom and he knows this. And do you view this as a form of cheating since well its not physical per say but it does hurt like hell :-( I am the woman of his dreams he tells me but if i am WHY does he need to do that? (no he does not know i know any of this) I love him and he loves me and i know he does but this just hurts
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Hello and welcome to EmpowHer,
October 25, 2015 - 1:41pmI've love to give you some helpful advice on the matter.
For many people who use these sites, especially men, who are also in a relationship, it does not mean they feel something is missing in the relationship. They simply enjoy the website. Men, unlike women, think of the 2 as very different things with no relation one to the other. Some men even believe it crazy that a women would make that connection, and this is a genuine feeling! I can speak from experience on this.
While you are suffering emotionally from his actions; he could not imagine how it could have anything to do with you!
With that being said. When the time comes for you to talk to him about it (and the time will come). Do not assume he will automatically understand why it affects you. You must explain it! And very patiently.
Use "I" statements such as, "I love you, and it worries me that you would look for sexual pleasure outside of our relationship." I would not think it wise to blame him of cheating. That would not end well. But be clear on how it makes you feel.
In the end, if he really cares about how you feel, he will understand that your happiness is more important than holding onto this activity.
I wish you all the best,
Faith
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